Day After Day (Jon)

Soundtrack

Routine was a wonderful thing. Your everyday, regular, customary state of being is something that one should never mess with. It’s always said that humans are creatures of habit; and that makes sense, seeing as how we’re the most dominate species on the planet. Without routine, there would be no sense of security or structure; routine is the axis that holds the modern world together… and I was finally back on mine.

Go to sleep early, wake up early. Gym, eat, practice, nap, eat, hockey… perfect. Everything was great. My body was in peak physical condition and my mind was sharp and focused - at least, mostly focused.
I wish that the same could be said for the people around me. Whatever was going on with Sharpie and Amber; he was in a bad mood, missing easy shots and unable to keep a calm demeanour for more than five minutes.
As for Kane and Burish; someone was going to get punched in the face soon - preferably the later of the two, but if it came down to it, I’d settle for Pat.

Kaner was in love, I guess I couldn’t blame him for being giddy and unfocused; he had it bad for Lola, and as much as I wanted to be happy for him - I was too worried about the implications that her profession might have on the Hawks organization. Or at least that‘s what I told him, the excuse that I gave any time he invited me to hang out with them; when really I just didn‘t want to see Ryker.
The stupid grin on Adam’s face was enough for me to understand what was going on there, I didn’t need to see it. I didn’t need to hear about it either, but I did, it was almost all he talked about now.
They weren’t sleeping together; by the sounds of it they weren’t doing anything even close to it, but they were together, a lot. Anytime he started talking about her, how cool she was or how pretty she was, I tried not to listen. It wasn’t like I didn’t already know any of that anyway… I was the one that met her first.

Stop that! She’s not property and she’s at perfect liberty to date whomever she wants…I groaned softly as I remembered why she was with Burish in the first place. If I just kept my mouth shut then she’d probably be completely gone from my life at this point.
I wasn’t sure if that was what I actually wanted, but it felt like it’d be easier to not know where she was; as opposed to having to hear about her everyday. Every time Burish spoke her name I felt anger rear up inside of me, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it anymore.



“You ok man? You’ve all dopey lately.” Adam said as he dropped down between Kaner and I on his couch.

“Yah I’m great.” I answered curtly, sighing softly as I heard the anger in my voice. I shook my head and turned to smile at him, “I’m good… really.”

He grinned in return, slapping the back of my head with his hand before jumping back up. “Alright, as fun as it is here with you losers… I’m gonna go hang out with my hot girlfriend.” He turned around and pulled on his jacket; leaving quickly out the door.

“You’re being a little obvious, you know?” Kaner asked, causing me to turn and consider him.

My brow furrowed as I regarded his cheeky little grin. “What are you talking about?”

“Adam and Ryker.” He laughed, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s gonna figure it out if you’re not careful.” I exhaled loudly and turned away, shrugging my shoulder in response. “Oh come on Jon… I know what’s going on, I’m your best friend.”

“Oh, you got it all figured out then? Well, how about you let me in on it because, I seem to be lost.”

Kaner rolled his eyes again, this time at my crabby retort. “I know you like her man. I see it every time you’re around her… or anytime Adam mentions her name… you’re not the jealous type so, I have to assume you’re bitter because you’re in love with her-”

“I don’t love her Pat! I hardly know anything about her…”

“So you’re admitting that you do like her?”

I groaned and pushed myself off the couch, pacing back and forth across the living room floor. “He acts like he’s never seen a girl before… and it’s not even like… ugh! He only even met her because of me!”

“Umm… I think he met her because of Lola… not because of you…”

“Ugh! Why? Why can’t I just stop thinking about her?!” I yelled, throwing my hands up in exasperation as Pat erupted into laughter. “This isn’t funny Pat!”

“Yes it is… I’ve never seen you like this before! Little Jonathan Toews, all worked up over a girl.” I sighed and flopped back down, covering my face with my hands. “Dude, you seriously need to say something… before this gets out of hand.”

“It already is Pat… Burish, she’s his girlfriend… what’s wrong with me?”

Kaner shrugged, shaking his head as he looked away. “Nothing’s wrong with you man…” He turned back around to face me. “You can’t help who you want to be with.”




I’m gonna go…no. Bad idea, just stay here.

I should probably go… just to check out- no!

Stop making excuses and close the damn door.

I slammed the door shut and pulled my coat off, hanging it back on the coat rack. I cursed out loud and began pacing the floor. What is wrong with me? This is not you Jon, you are NOT this person.
I stopped walking and took a deep breath, closing my eyes and trying to focus on finding some kind of inner peace.

If I could just go see Ryker than maybe… no. No maybe’s no Ryker…

Giving up on inner peace I grabbed the nearest thing to me; a copy of Sports Illustrated. I grabbed a pen and a pad of paper and flipped the magazine open. I traced my finger down the words and hurriedly began translating it into French, on the pad.
It was a technique that my mom had showed me; any time I got really stressed out or frustrated I would do this. When I couldn’t get something out of my mind I would translate things into French or vice versa; it was easy enough that I wouldn’t get more annoyed, but I still had to focus on it.

Just finishing the fifth page, I glance up at the clock; it was after 11pm. I put my head back down and turned to the next column. The picture was of three girls on a beach; posing in almost non-existing bathing suits - the one in the middle had dreads. “Of course she does…” I sighed out loud, flipping the magazine closed and heading for the door.
I wasn’t going to get any rest tonight, I wasn’t going to get anything done tonight at all. I’ll go there for a few minutes… that’s it. I’ll go in, sit with them, see how happy she is with Burish and then I’ll leave. I’ll leave for good. If she’s happy, than this is done… over.
If she’s happy…

I was almost at the bar when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket; pulling over to the side of the road, I took it out and flipped it open. “Hey Tazer… you wanna go out tonight? Amber and I were suppose to meet Burish and Kaner at the bar but… well… something came up…”

“Umm… yah sure. I’ll be there in a bit.”



She was the first one I saw; the first one to catch my attention. I felt Sharpie give me a push towards the table as I headed towards her. Her hair was pulled off her face, but still falling down her back, loosely. She was wearing a pair of black tights and black ballet flats; balanced out by a light pink sweater-dress. I heard Burish shout my name as I approached the table. “Hey guys.” I said, plastering a grin on my face. I watched Sharpie take the seat beside Kaner, leaving me with the only other available seat; beside Ryker. I sat down beside her, unable to do anything but stare into her shapely green eyes.
Realizing that I was gawking, I gave her a small smile and turned around to talk to the boys.

I could tell that everyone was surprised I was there; I only went out when they forced me too, and no one had even asked me to come tonight.
I tried to focus on the Pats, trying to listen to their foolish conversation on the Flash versus Superman; but I couldn’t. Stealing glances at Ryker, I couldn’t help but notice Adam’s arm hung carelessly around her slender shoulders, prompting me into action. I might as well talk to her, after all, that’s why I’m here… “So… this is going good?” I asked, leaning towards her and pointing at Adam.

“Umm… good.” She said, nodding slowly as she leaned towards me, grinning. I tried to make sure that should couldn’t see my face fall. Good. She’s happy, you can see that now so… that’s good. It’s good right? I mean, she’s dating your team-mate so… this works out… “How are things with you?”
I didn’t answer at all, not trusting my voice. I looked away from her pale face and simply nodded, not wanting to be here anymore. “Jon are you ok?” She reached into my lap, gently resting her cool, fragile hand on top of mine.

I looked down at our hands, then back up at her. I licked my lips and studied her hand again; turning my hand gently underneath her - palm to palm. I ran my thumb along her smooth skin, a couple times, smiling to myself at the feel of her skin under mine. What was that part from Romeo and Juliet… palm to palm is holy palmer's kiss?
Finally realizing what I was doing, I pulled my hand away quickly; Ugh… She’s got my quoting Shakespeare! I need to go… “Jon?” She asked quietly, leaning in towards me again.

“I should head out… Hey guys… I’m gonna go… I just remembered that we have that charity event tomorrow. I’ll see you guys later.” I stood up and left the table quickly, ignoring the groans and objections from the people behind me.

I threw the door open and walked a few steps. “Stupid, stupid, stupid…” I muttered to myself, leaning up against the brick wall; resting my forehead on the hard, cold bricks. “I shouldn’t have come here…” I said softly. What was the point? What did I expect? Even if she wanted to be with me it’s not possible… she’s with Burish… god I’m an asshole.

I felt a presence behind me as Ryker reached out for me. “Jon…” She said softly, causing me to jump.

“What are you doing here Ryker? Adam…” I began to whine, before she cut me off.

“Adam’s fine by himself. What’s wrong?” I grimaced at the sound of his name on her lips.

Exhaling loudly I turned to regard her, just tell her… I wanted to. I wanted to tell her all the things I was feeling, even the things I wasn’t sure of… the things that were new and terrifying. It’s not right though… I can’t screw up her life just because I can’t stop thinking about her, it’s not fair. “I should go…” I said finally, turning around and heading towards my car.

“Jon, wait! Just tell me what’s going on… what do you need?” I stopped walking, my breath catching in my throat. I wonder what she’d say if she knew the response to that. Would she ask me again if she knew that she was the answer? I turned around just as she reached me; catching her in my hands gently. “Tell me what you want…” She asked gently, staring up at me intently.

I wanted to tell her; but what do you say? How do you tell someone what’s wrong with you when you’re not even sure. How do you allow yourself to betray a friend and hurt the girl you care about in the process? You can’t, you need to move back to the familiar… back to the day to day… you can’t say anything.

You can’t. You won’t.