Soundtrack
I fixed the collar on my navy, button-down shirt as I watched Adam approach me from across Seabs living room.
I tensed my body, ready for the attack that I knew was coming. He knew, I could see it in his eyes as soon as he came through the door. Licking my lips I tried to wipe the grin off my face; feeling revolt wash up inside me - but it didn‘t last long.
Inside I was dancing for happiness; that look of hurt on his face could only mean one thing - Ryker ended it. Ryker wanted me. That also meant that she didn’t want Adam; that Adam was in pain. This should have made me feel bad, but it didn’t - nothing could stop the feeling of sheer joy that was over powering every other emotion in me.
Adam’s eyes were locked on mine; his body moved with purpose and determination as he closed the gap between us.
I lifted my chin, trying to make myself appear tall, unafraid, in control. “Did you hear?” He asked, his voice gruff.
“Hear what?” I asked, my controlled demeanour coming unravelled as his bulking form towered over me.
“Amber left Patrick.” He said simply, glancing over my shoulder. “He’s having a hard time with it so… I’m not sure what to do. He’s coming though… don’t say anything unless he brings it up.” I nodded slowly, unable to believe the strange turn of events.
“Umm… anything else… that I should know about?” I asked gradually, unsure of whether or not Adam’s lack of clue was good or bad.
“Ah, no… not that I know of…” He trailed off as Sharpie reached us. “What’s up man?”
I turned around to greet Patrick; he looked like shit. “Notta. You guys ready to go?” I nodded slowly, not taking my eyes off of him. Sharpie rarely talked about Amber at all, but we knew he cared about her a lot; if anyone questioned it before, they wouldn’t now.
At first it felt like some kind of eerie warning; like I was getting a glimpse of what would happen to Adam if I didn’t back off for good. Then I felt like an asshole for assuming that everything was revolving around me.
Sighing I followed the boys out of the house; hopping into my own car and taking off - Kaner riding shotgun. “So…?” He asked after we drove in silence for a few minutes.
“So what?”
“Aren’t you gonna tell me what happened with Ryker last night?” I groaned as we pulled up to a red light.
“Nothing happened… why would you think-”
“Look Jon… don’t lie to me, ok? I saw her take off after you and then when she came back she only stayed for like, 5 minutes before she left again... on her own.” He studied me for a minute, as I let this new information digest. “So… what happened?”
“I told her that I liked her.” I shrugged, easing on the gas as the light changed to green.
“Oh. What did she say?”
“She said that she liked me too.”
He let out a low whistle, before slapping my shoulder. “Well that’s good right? You like her, she likes you…”
“Pat.” I sighed, stopping his rant before it could begin. “It’s not a good thing. I also told her that we couldn’t do anything about it and… she said she already knew that so… it’s done.”
Pat started to chuckle, causing a stab of anger to flow through me. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing… you just sound like you actually believe that.”
I rolled my eyes as I snapped at him. “I do mean it. Now drop it.”
“We’ll see.” He mumbled under his breath as we pulled into the arena parking lot. “We’ll see…”
Like always, Ryker wasn’t hard to pick out; surprisingly enough, it wasn’t because she didn’t fit in. She was wearing a short, white, baggy dress adorned with some long beaded necklaces and matching bracelets - she looked perfect, picturesque.
Her hair was flowing freely down her back, swaying gently as she danced back and forth on her feet; trying to stay warm as she waited for me. No - not for me - for Adam.
He grinned as he pulled her against his side roughly; leading her into the back-door of the arena. I watched them go, trying not to let any emotion show on my face.
Really, what had I expected? I was the one who told her, just last night, that this could never happen - so why did I still hope that she would be waiting here for me? Because hope is irrational… I sighed to myself, following Kaner and Lola through the door.
“Alright Jon and Patrick, I’m gonna need you two over here…” Coach Q called at Kaner and I. We both got up from the table we had been occupying, to follow him down the hallway. “So, all the people that are arriving, are going to be arriving into the banquet hall to meet the other guys. I need you two to do the radio interview first though… then you can join them, ok?”
We both nodded as we followed him towards the radio booth that had been set up in one of the back hallways.
We took my time through the questions, in no real hurry to get back to the charity event. Sure, raising money for kids in the community was a great cause, but it was hurting a lot to watch Adam fawn all over Ryker.
“Jon! Jon, over here!” I turned around to see Seabs yelling at me as I came back in to the banquet hall. I wandered towards him, wondering how much longer I was going to have to stay here for.
“What do you need?” I asked him nonchalantly once I reached him.
“Burs had to go do his media stuff with Sharpie, I was suppose to be keeping Ryker company but… there’s these chicks over there and…” He grimaced at me, half-begging me with his eyes. Sighing, I nodded, searching the room for Ryker as I did so.
Seabs had left her standing against the wall by herself; she was completely alone, and that worried me. I was a pretty decent guy - or at least I thought so, before this whole Ryker/Adam thing - but I still didn’t trust myself alone with her.
Inhaling deeply and trying to get a hold on my nervous; I headed towards her. “Hey…” I said quietly as I leaned against the wall, beside her.
“Hey. You’ve come to baby-sit then?” She asked with a chuckle, nodding across the room to where Adam and Sharpie were talking into microphones.
“Looks that way…” I said, giving her a weak smile. “Having a good time at least?”
“Yah… I feel a little awkward but, it’s been alright… the rest of your team seems really nice.” We smiled at each other for a minute, before we both looked away, each of us blushing slightly.
I grabbed two glasses of champagne from the tray of a server, as he passed us.
Turning back around, I handed one to Ryker, motioning for her to follow me. I lead her to an empty table in the corner, pulling out the chair for her before I grabbed the other seat for myself. “So… I hope that I didn’t make things awkward for you and Adam last night. It wasn’t my placed to say anything, and I just want you to know that I’m sorry…” I didn’t look up at her as I spoke, watching the tiny bubbles in the amber liquid instead.
“You didn’t ruin anything Jon… I didn’t tell him what happened - actually, he didn’t even ask so… no problems.” She sighed softly, looking up from her lap to face me. “I wish things had of worked out differently… I really do. “
She gave me a sad smile as we stared at each other. I watched despondency flash through her perfect emerald eyes as a single clump of hair fell in front of her face. I reached out automatically, brushing my finger across her forehead as I swept it back into place behind her ear.
My hand lingered, painfully close to her face, before I folded it back in my lap; leaning away from her. “I think it might be better if I don’t spend too much time around you anymore… you have an amazing ability to break down my resolution.” I breathed softly, watching her sip at her drink, casually.
She raised her delicate eyebrows, smiling slightly as she reached into my lap, resting her hand on top of mine. “You don’t have to do that… I’ll just… spend some more time away; you shouldn’t have to change anything because of me…”
She pulled her hand back, standing up and taking her last sip of champagne. I looked up, feeling someone’s eyes on me. I turned to my right to find Adam through the crowd; his eyes mingled with uncertainty and reservation. I adverted my eyes quickly, not wanting to betray anything; trying to find some way to hide while in plain sight. “See ya around Jon…” Ryker said in a daze, giving me a weak grin. I nodded, understanding what she was really saying; goodbye.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
When I'm With Him (Ryker)
Soundtrack - It'll make sense later on... promise lol.
“He won’t fuck me!”
“Umm…ok…” I stopped in my tracks, as Lola shouted at me. I was teetering between the living room and the hallway, watching Lola as she crossed her arms over her chest plopping down onto the couch with a huff. “I assume we’re talking about Pat here…?” I asked slowly as I finally completed my trek into the den, sitting down on the edge of the coffee table so that I could face her properly.
“Like… at all! Why doesn’t he want to Ryker?” She whined, falling off the couch into my lap. “What did I do?”
“Maybe he likes men.”
“Ugh!” She gave me a hard slap on the arm before sitting back on the couch. “Don’t even joke like that… do you think I disgust him?”
“Lola…”
“No really! I mean, he must think I’m nauseating… he could have any woman in the world, why a stupid stripper?”
“Lola, don’t say that!” I sighed, moving over to wrap my arms around her shoulders. “He like you a lot, I can tell… maybe he’s just nervous…” I heard her sigh as she leaned into me, apparently unconvinced.
“Well at least one of us is getting some… Adam just can’t keep his hands off you, can he?”
“Ugh… yah…” I groaned, flopping down on the couch. “Well… truth be told, I’m not actually ‘getting some’…”
“What?!” Lola screamed, jumping up and staring at me with disbelief. “That boy is all over you… all the time.”
“I know…” I exhaled softly. How was I suppose to explain something to Lola, that I didn’t understand myself.
She sat back down, taking on a more serious tone. “You don’t like him?”
Shrugging, I tilted my head to look her in the eye. “I don’t know… I mean, he’s nice, and funny-”
“-and sweet, and cute, and rich, and amazing in bed, plus he’s totally in love with you… but…?”
“But…” I shook my head. “No buts… he’s great.” Lola smiled at me encouragingly. I tried to return the gesture, but it came out more as a grimace, and I pushed myself off the couch, heading into the kitchen.
There has to be something wrong with me… Lola’s right… everything she said is right, but… all wrong at the same time. Adam was all of those things, and more. Over the past little while I’d seen the kind of person he is; but it wasn’t enough. Selfishly enough, I still couldn’t stop thinking about Jon.
I wanted to want Adam; everything would be so easy if I could just make my stupid head and my stupid heart call out for him - but they wouldn’t.
“Hello, hello!” I heard Adam’s voice callout from the living room.
“Hey you… she’s in the kitchen.” Lola said, turning her attention back to the TV.
I stood by the sink as Adam came around the corner, grinning broadly as his eyes found me. “Hey beautiful…” He whispered softly, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me against him roughly.
“Hey…” I said back, plastering a smile on my face before his lips crashed down on mine.
I tried to relax against him, allowing him to rub his hands across my back; sighing into the kiss. I felt fake though; like he should be able to see right through me, but he couldn’t. I tried to make up with my lack of feeling by putting pressure behind my kiss.
Apparently it worked too well. In his exuberance, Adam lifted me off the ground and sat me on the counter. His hands pulled my thighs wide, allowing himself to lean up against the counter, trapping me between his body and the wall. “Adam…” I said softly, trying to push him away from me. “Lola’s home.”
“She doesn’t care.” He grunted, moving his lips down to my neck.
“Adam, we can’t.” I said more firmly, pushing against him with more force this time. He pulled back, looking at me with a small smile.
“Yah… you’re right. Later” He said with a wink, pulling me off the counter.
Ok start liking him… now! I furrowed my brow in concentration as I stared at Adam next to me. “Geesh baby doll, you’re gonna hurt yourself.” He started to laugh as he pulled me against his side, returning his attention to Kaner; who was sitting across from us.
“Holy crap! Is that Tazer… coming into a bar by his own free will?” Adam called suddenly, his eyes focusing across the crowded room. I followed the direction he was facing; sure enough Jonny was walking across the room towards us, Sharpie behind him.
“Hey guys.” He called with a grin as Sharpie shrugged behind him. He sat down on the chair next to me, giving me a small lopsided smile before turning around to chat with the other guys around the table.
Everyone seemed surprise by the fact that Jon was there; but no one questioned it. There was an understood authority that surrounded him, hoisting him above the questions of others.
It was hard trying to keep my eyes away from him as I felt Adam’s arm shifting on my shoulder. It didn’t matter where my eyes looked anyway; Adam wasn’t paying attention to me - but Jon was. “So… this is going good?” He asked, wagging his finger between Adam and I.
“Umm… good.” I nodded slowly, giving him a small smile as I leaned towards him. “How are things with you?” He didn’t answer with words; he only nodded slightly, looking away. “Jon are you ok?” I reached out, grabbing his hand from where it sat on his lap.
He snapped his head back, his eyes coming to rest on my hand before moving up to my face. He looked back down at his hand, flipping it slightly underneath mine; his thumb gently caressing my skin, before he pulled away. “Jon?” I asked softly, trying to discern his cool demeanour.
“I should head out…” He said quickly, standing up from the table. “Hey guys… I’m gonna go… I just remembered that we have that charity event tomorrow. I’ll see you guys later.” He turned around and took off; not bothering to listen to any protests.
“I’ll be right back.” I said to Adam, not bothering to turn around as I took of after Jon.
I followed him out of the bar and onto the street; to find him leaning his forehead against the brick wall of the building. “Jon…” I said softly, coming up beside him.
He jumped slightly and turned to face me. “What are you doing here Ryker? Adam…”
“Adam’s fine by himself. What’s wrong?”
He exhaled sharply, and tilted his head; staring at me intently, like he was about to say something. He shook his head instead and turned away. “I should go…”
I stood there unmoving, stunned; as I watched him walk away. He got half a block before I took off after him. “Jon, wait! Just tell me what’s going on… what do you need?” He stopped abruptly then, turning on the spot to grab me in his hands as I finally caught up to him. “Tell me what you want…”
I felt foolish, helpless, pathetic as I stared up at him. I hated feeling so inferior to him; but I was, and I knew it. Here he was with his expensive, tailored, pressed suit and me - with my hand me down, used, dress. “Those things don’t matter… just go away Ryker, leave me alone.” He glared at me with intense eyes and I felt my face flush. His voice was dead, completely drained of emotion when he spoke. This fact alone upset me to the point of hot tears cascading down my cheeks. I turned away then, not wanting Jon to see me cry. “Ryker…” He sighed, pulling me back around to look at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be an ass…”
I looked up at him - his head hung in shame - as I moved towards him. “It’s ok.” I said softly, pulling him into a hug. I stretched up on my toes so that I could nestle my face into his neck; clutching at him tighter, while he stood ridged. “Jon…” I breathed, drawing a long sigh from him as his arms moved to embrace me.
He held me tightly for a minute before moving away; clearing his throat and then turning to leave. “Charity thing tomorrow… girlfriends and wives are invited so… I guess I’ll see you then.”
“You never told me what was wrong Jon…” I said softly, grabbing onto his arm. “Please, let me help… whatever it is…” I need to know, I need to do something.
“You know how you asked me what I wanted, and what I needed?” I nodded slowly, not sure where he was going with his question. “What if I know the answer to them, but I can’t have both?”
I shrugged my shoulders in response. “What makes you think you can’t have them both? What are they?” He bit his lip as his brow began to furrow. “What do you want Jon?”
“I want you, to be happy, safe, protected...” He said simply, quietly; shaking his head as he reached out to trace the side of my face with his fingers.
My voice caught in my throat as I nodded slowly. “What do you need?” When he didn’t answer me I reached out and gently squeezed his arm, encouraging him to continue.
“You. I need you for myself…” He said it so quietly, that I doubted what I had heard. “And I don’t know what to do about it. I should just walk away, but I can’t.”
He brought his eyes up to mine, “I don’t understand… why can’t you have both?”
“They’re not compatible, did you not just hear me Ryker? I’m talking about my team-mates girlfriend… you’re with him, and all I can think about is how badly I need you for myself. It’s irrational and uncalled for; I can’t do this to him… I can’t do this to you. I’m sorry… it was a mistake to come here tonight.”
He took a step away from me, his hands out in front of him; whether in a sign of defeat or a silent plea for me to let him leave - I wasn’t sure. “They’re the same thing Jon… what you want and what you need… they fit together. I’m not sure either one can exist without the other, actually...”
“I’m sorry…” He brought a hand up to his face, rubbing his eyes in absorption as I watched him mutter to himself.
He wasn’t saying anything to me, but he also wasn’t running away; I took a tentative step towards him, hoping. “Adam’s a good person… but it’s not… when I’m with him it’s not…” I shook my head, trying to find the word I was looking for, the one that would make him understand.
“…it’s not passionate.” He finished meekly, letting his hand drop back down to rest at his side.
“No. It’s not passionate.” I nodded in agreement as we continued to stand in our impasse. He stared up into his eyes, seeing nothing but pain and confusion. I wanted to turn around and leave; I didn’t want to hurt him anymore, but I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t my intention to come between two friends and be the cause of so much hurt; but I couldn’t stop myself. “I don’t want to be with him. I’m not really sure why I am… he just… is always there and, I don’t want to be awful and tell him I’m not interested but- I’m not. I should be I mean, he’s great but… every time he tries to touch me, I think about you, and I feel disgusted. Every time I’m around him… I wish I was with you.”
He took a step towards me, until I could feel his body pressing against mine. He cupped my face in his strong hands, tilting me towards him. “We can’t…” He began, giving me a sad smile.
“I know…” I exhaled softly, trying to blink away the tears before they started again. ”I know, but… I just thought you should know.”
He kissed the top of my head firmly before releasing his hold. He stepped back and looked over my shoulder. “You should get back inside Ryker, it’s freezing out.” I nodded as he turned around and walked away from me.
I watched him walk determinately off, by himself; his head hung slightly and his hands pushed deep into his pockets.
He never looked back, but that didn’t stop my own sad smile from spreading across my face. I would never have Jon, but at least he knew how I felt; and at least I know that I wasn’t alone with the feelings.
I turned around and headed back to the bar; a mixture of happiness and revulsion spreading through my body. I was happy that Jon cared about me, at least somewhat, but I was mad at myself over Adam.
He had never done anything to me but be a complete gentleman, and here I was, my heart breaking over one of his friends. They were friends, and I was coming in between them; perhaps karma would teach me a lesson one day. I wanted this to be simple, easy; but I knew that love wasn't suppose to be like that. After all, wasn't it Shakespeare who said 'the course of true love never did run smooth?'
“He won’t fuck me!”
“Umm…ok…” I stopped in my tracks, as Lola shouted at me. I was teetering between the living room and the hallway, watching Lola as she crossed her arms over her chest plopping down onto the couch with a huff. “I assume we’re talking about Pat here…?” I asked slowly as I finally completed my trek into the den, sitting down on the edge of the coffee table so that I could face her properly.
“Like… at all! Why doesn’t he want to Ryker?” She whined, falling off the couch into my lap. “What did I do?”
“Maybe he likes men.”
“Ugh!” She gave me a hard slap on the arm before sitting back on the couch. “Don’t even joke like that… do you think I disgust him?”
“Lola…”
“No really! I mean, he must think I’m nauseating… he could have any woman in the world, why a stupid stripper?”
“Lola, don’t say that!” I sighed, moving over to wrap my arms around her shoulders. “He like you a lot, I can tell… maybe he’s just nervous…” I heard her sigh as she leaned into me, apparently unconvinced.
“Well at least one of us is getting some… Adam just can’t keep his hands off you, can he?”
“Ugh… yah…” I groaned, flopping down on the couch. “Well… truth be told, I’m not actually ‘getting some’…”
“What?!” Lola screamed, jumping up and staring at me with disbelief. “That boy is all over you… all the time.”
“I know…” I exhaled softly. How was I suppose to explain something to Lola, that I didn’t understand myself.
She sat back down, taking on a more serious tone. “You don’t like him?”
Shrugging, I tilted my head to look her in the eye. “I don’t know… I mean, he’s nice, and funny-”
“-and sweet, and cute, and rich, and amazing in bed, plus he’s totally in love with you… but…?”
“But…” I shook my head. “No buts… he’s great.” Lola smiled at me encouragingly. I tried to return the gesture, but it came out more as a grimace, and I pushed myself off the couch, heading into the kitchen.
There has to be something wrong with me… Lola’s right… everything she said is right, but… all wrong at the same time. Adam was all of those things, and more. Over the past little while I’d seen the kind of person he is; but it wasn’t enough. Selfishly enough, I still couldn’t stop thinking about Jon.
I wanted to want Adam; everything would be so easy if I could just make my stupid head and my stupid heart call out for him - but they wouldn’t.
“Hello, hello!” I heard Adam’s voice callout from the living room.
“Hey you… she’s in the kitchen.” Lola said, turning her attention back to the TV.
I stood by the sink as Adam came around the corner, grinning broadly as his eyes found me. “Hey beautiful…” He whispered softly, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me against him roughly.
“Hey…” I said back, plastering a smile on my face before his lips crashed down on mine.
I tried to relax against him, allowing him to rub his hands across my back; sighing into the kiss. I felt fake though; like he should be able to see right through me, but he couldn’t. I tried to make up with my lack of feeling by putting pressure behind my kiss.
Apparently it worked too well. In his exuberance, Adam lifted me off the ground and sat me on the counter. His hands pulled my thighs wide, allowing himself to lean up against the counter, trapping me between his body and the wall. “Adam…” I said softly, trying to push him away from me. “Lola’s home.”
“She doesn’t care.” He grunted, moving his lips down to my neck.
“Adam, we can’t.” I said more firmly, pushing against him with more force this time. He pulled back, looking at me with a small smile.
“Yah… you’re right. Later” He said with a wink, pulling me off the counter.
Ok start liking him… now! I furrowed my brow in concentration as I stared at Adam next to me. “Geesh baby doll, you’re gonna hurt yourself.” He started to laugh as he pulled me against his side, returning his attention to Kaner; who was sitting across from us.
“Holy crap! Is that Tazer… coming into a bar by his own free will?” Adam called suddenly, his eyes focusing across the crowded room. I followed the direction he was facing; sure enough Jonny was walking across the room towards us, Sharpie behind him.
“Hey guys.” He called with a grin as Sharpie shrugged behind him. He sat down on the chair next to me, giving me a small lopsided smile before turning around to chat with the other guys around the table.
Everyone seemed surprise by the fact that Jon was there; but no one questioned it. There was an understood authority that surrounded him, hoisting him above the questions of others.
It was hard trying to keep my eyes away from him as I felt Adam’s arm shifting on my shoulder. It didn’t matter where my eyes looked anyway; Adam wasn’t paying attention to me - but Jon was. “So… this is going good?” He asked, wagging his finger between Adam and I.
“Umm… good.” I nodded slowly, giving him a small smile as I leaned towards him. “How are things with you?” He didn’t answer with words; he only nodded slightly, looking away. “Jon are you ok?” I reached out, grabbing his hand from where it sat on his lap.
He snapped his head back, his eyes coming to rest on my hand before moving up to my face. He looked back down at his hand, flipping it slightly underneath mine; his thumb gently caressing my skin, before he pulled away. “Jon?” I asked softly, trying to discern his cool demeanour.
“I should head out…” He said quickly, standing up from the table. “Hey guys… I’m gonna go… I just remembered that we have that charity event tomorrow. I’ll see you guys later.” He turned around and took off; not bothering to listen to any protests.
“I’ll be right back.” I said to Adam, not bothering to turn around as I took of after Jon.
I followed him out of the bar and onto the street; to find him leaning his forehead against the brick wall of the building. “Jon…” I said softly, coming up beside him.
He jumped slightly and turned to face me. “What are you doing here Ryker? Adam…”
“Adam’s fine by himself. What’s wrong?”
He exhaled sharply, and tilted his head; staring at me intently, like he was about to say something. He shook his head instead and turned away. “I should go…”
I stood there unmoving, stunned; as I watched him walk away. He got half a block before I took off after him. “Jon, wait! Just tell me what’s going on… what do you need?” He stopped abruptly then, turning on the spot to grab me in his hands as I finally caught up to him. “Tell me what you want…”
I felt foolish, helpless, pathetic as I stared up at him. I hated feeling so inferior to him; but I was, and I knew it. Here he was with his expensive, tailored, pressed suit and me - with my hand me down, used, dress. “Those things don’t matter… just go away Ryker, leave me alone.” He glared at me with intense eyes and I felt my face flush. His voice was dead, completely drained of emotion when he spoke. This fact alone upset me to the point of hot tears cascading down my cheeks. I turned away then, not wanting Jon to see me cry. “Ryker…” He sighed, pulling me back around to look at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be an ass…”
I looked up at him - his head hung in shame - as I moved towards him. “It’s ok.” I said softly, pulling him into a hug. I stretched up on my toes so that I could nestle my face into his neck; clutching at him tighter, while he stood ridged. “Jon…” I breathed, drawing a long sigh from him as his arms moved to embrace me.
He held me tightly for a minute before moving away; clearing his throat and then turning to leave. “Charity thing tomorrow… girlfriends and wives are invited so… I guess I’ll see you then.”
“You never told me what was wrong Jon…” I said softly, grabbing onto his arm. “Please, let me help… whatever it is…” I need to know, I need to do something.
“You know how you asked me what I wanted, and what I needed?” I nodded slowly, not sure where he was going with his question. “What if I know the answer to them, but I can’t have both?”
I shrugged my shoulders in response. “What makes you think you can’t have them both? What are they?” He bit his lip as his brow began to furrow. “What do you want Jon?”
“I want you, to be happy, safe, protected...” He said simply, quietly; shaking his head as he reached out to trace the side of my face with his fingers.
My voice caught in my throat as I nodded slowly. “What do you need?” When he didn’t answer me I reached out and gently squeezed his arm, encouraging him to continue.
“You. I need you for myself…” He said it so quietly, that I doubted what I had heard. “And I don’t know what to do about it. I should just walk away, but I can’t.”
He brought his eyes up to mine, “I don’t understand… why can’t you have both?”
“They’re not compatible, did you not just hear me Ryker? I’m talking about my team-mates girlfriend… you’re with him, and all I can think about is how badly I need you for myself. It’s irrational and uncalled for; I can’t do this to him… I can’t do this to you. I’m sorry… it was a mistake to come here tonight.”
He took a step away from me, his hands out in front of him; whether in a sign of defeat or a silent plea for me to let him leave - I wasn’t sure. “They’re the same thing Jon… what you want and what you need… they fit together. I’m not sure either one can exist without the other, actually...”
“I’m sorry…” He brought a hand up to his face, rubbing his eyes in absorption as I watched him mutter to himself.
He wasn’t saying anything to me, but he also wasn’t running away; I took a tentative step towards him, hoping. “Adam’s a good person… but it’s not… when I’m with him it’s not…” I shook my head, trying to find the word I was looking for, the one that would make him understand.
“…it’s not passionate.” He finished meekly, letting his hand drop back down to rest at his side.
“No. It’s not passionate.” I nodded in agreement as we continued to stand in our impasse. He stared up into his eyes, seeing nothing but pain and confusion. I wanted to turn around and leave; I didn’t want to hurt him anymore, but I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t my intention to come between two friends and be the cause of so much hurt; but I couldn’t stop myself. “I don’t want to be with him. I’m not really sure why I am… he just… is always there and, I don’t want to be awful and tell him I’m not interested but- I’m not. I should be I mean, he’s great but… every time he tries to touch me, I think about you, and I feel disgusted. Every time I’m around him… I wish I was with you.”
He took a step towards me, until I could feel his body pressing against mine. He cupped my face in his strong hands, tilting me towards him. “We can’t…” He began, giving me a sad smile.
“I know…” I exhaled softly, trying to blink away the tears before they started again. ”I know, but… I just thought you should know.”
He kissed the top of my head firmly before releasing his hold. He stepped back and looked over my shoulder. “You should get back inside Ryker, it’s freezing out.” I nodded as he turned around and walked away from me.
I watched him walk determinately off, by himself; his head hung slightly and his hands pushed deep into his pockets.
He never looked back, but that didn’t stop my own sad smile from spreading across my face. I would never have Jon, but at least he knew how I felt; and at least I know that I wasn’t alone with the feelings.
I turned around and headed back to the bar; a mixture of happiness and revulsion spreading through my body. I was happy that Jon cared about me, at least somewhat, but I was mad at myself over Adam.
He had never done anything to me but be a complete gentleman, and here I was, my heart breaking over one of his friends. They were friends, and I was coming in between them; perhaps karma would teach me a lesson one day. I wanted this to be simple, easy; but I knew that love wasn't suppose to be like that. After all, wasn't it Shakespeare who said 'the course of true love never did run smooth?'
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Day After Day (Jon)
Soundtrack
Routine was a wonderful thing. Your everyday, regular, customary state of being is something that one should never mess with. It’s always said that humans are creatures of habit; and that makes sense, seeing as how we’re the most dominate species on the planet. Without routine, there would be no sense of security or structure; routine is the axis that holds the modern world together… and I was finally back on mine.
Go to sleep early, wake up early. Gym, eat, practice, nap, eat, hockey… perfect. Everything was great. My body was in peak physical condition and my mind was sharp and focused - at least, mostly focused.
I wish that the same could be said for the people around me. Whatever was going on with Sharpie and Amber; he was in a bad mood, missing easy shots and unable to keep a calm demeanour for more than five minutes.
As for Kane and Burish; someone was going to get punched in the face soon - preferably the later of the two, but if it came down to it, I’d settle for Pat.
Kaner was in love, I guess I couldn’t blame him for being giddy and unfocused; he had it bad for Lola, and as much as I wanted to be happy for him - I was too worried about the implications that her profession might have on the Hawks organization. Or at least that‘s what I told him, the excuse that I gave any time he invited me to hang out with them; when really I just didn‘t want to see Ryker.
The stupid grin on Adam’s face was enough for me to understand what was going on there, I didn’t need to see it. I didn’t need to hear about it either, but I did, it was almost all he talked about now.
They weren’t sleeping together; by the sounds of it they weren’t doing anything even close to it, but they were together, a lot. Anytime he started talking about her, how cool she was or how pretty she was, I tried not to listen. It wasn’t like I didn’t already know any of that anyway… I was the one that met her first.
Stop that! She’s not property and she’s at perfect liberty to date whomever she wants…I groaned softly as I remembered why she was with Burish in the first place. If I just kept my mouth shut then she’d probably be completely gone from my life at this point.
I wasn’t sure if that was what I actually wanted, but it felt like it’d be easier to not know where she was; as opposed to having to hear about her everyday. Every time Burish spoke her name I felt anger rear up inside of me, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it anymore.
“You ok man? You’ve all dopey lately.” Adam said as he dropped down between Kaner and I on his couch.
“Yah I’m great.” I answered curtly, sighing softly as I heard the anger in my voice. I shook my head and turned to smile at him, “I’m good… really.”
He grinned in return, slapping the back of my head with his hand before jumping back up. “Alright, as fun as it is here with you losers… I’m gonna go hang out with my hot girlfriend.” He turned around and pulled on his jacket; leaving quickly out the door.
“You’re being a little obvious, you know?” Kaner asked, causing me to turn and consider him.
My brow furrowed as I regarded his cheeky little grin. “What are you talking about?”
“Adam and Ryker.” He laughed, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s gonna figure it out if you’re not careful.” I exhaled loudly and turned away, shrugging my shoulder in response. “Oh come on Jon… I know what’s going on, I’m your best friend.”
“Oh, you got it all figured out then? Well, how about you let me in on it because, I seem to be lost.”
Kaner rolled his eyes again, this time at my crabby retort. “I know you like her man. I see it every time you’re around her… or anytime Adam mentions her name… you’re not the jealous type so, I have to assume you’re bitter because you’re in love with her-”
“I don’t love her Pat! I hardly know anything about her…”
“So you’re admitting that you do like her?”
I groaned and pushed myself off the couch, pacing back and forth across the living room floor. “He acts like he’s never seen a girl before… and it’s not even like… ugh! He only even met her because of me!”
“Umm… I think he met her because of Lola… not because of you…”
“Ugh! Why? Why can’t I just stop thinking about her?!” I yelled, throwing my hands up in exasperation as Pat erupted into laughter. “This isn’t funny Pat!”
“Yes it is… I’ve never seen you like this before! Little Jonathan Toews, all worked up over a girl.” I sighed and flopped back down, covering my face with my hands. “Dude, you seriously need to say something… before this gets out of hand.”
“It already is Pat… Burish, she’s his girlfriend… what’s wrong with me?”
Kaner shrugged, shaking his head as he looked away. “Nothing’s wrong with you man…” He turned back around to face me. “You can’t help who you want to be with.”
I’m gonna go…no. Bad idea, just stay here.
I should probably go… just to check out- no!
Stop making excuses and close the damn door.
I slammed the door shut and pulled my coat off, hanging it back on the coat rack. I cursed out loud and began pacing the floor. What is wrong with me? This is not you Jon, you are NOT this person.
I stopped walking and took a deep breath, closing my eyes and trying to focus on finding some kind of inner peace.
If I could just go see Ryker than maybe… no. No maybe’s no Ryker…
Giving up on inner peace I grabbed the nearest thing to me; a copy of Sports Illustrated. I grabbed a pen and a pad of paper and flipped the magazine open. I traced my finger down the words and hurriedly began translating it into French, on the pad.
It was a technique that my mom had showed me; any time I got really stressed out or frustrated I would do this. When I couldn’t get something out of my mind I would translate things into French or vice versa; it was easy enough that I wouldn’t get more annoyed, but I still had to focus on it.
Just finishing the fifth page, I glance up at the clock; it was after 11pm. I put my head back down and turned to the next column. The picture was of three girls on a beach; posing in almost non-existing bathing suits - the one in the middle had dreads. “Of course she does…” I sighed out loud, flipping the magazine closed and heading for the door.
I wasn’t going to get any rest tonight, I wasn’t going to get anything done tonight at all. I’ll go there for a few minutes… that’s it. I’ll go in, sit with them, see how happy she is with Burish and then I’ll leave. I’ll leave for good. If she’s happy, than this is done… over.
If she’s happy…
I was almost at the bar when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket; pulling over to the side of the road, I took it out and flipped it open. “Hey Tazer… you wanna go out tonight? Amber and I were suppose to meet Burish and Kaner at the bar but… well… something came up…”
“Umm… yah sure. I’ll be there in a bit.”
She was the first one I saw; the first one to catch my attention. I felt Sharpie give me a push towards the table as I headed towards her. Her hair was pulled off her face, but still falling down her back, loosely. She was wearing a pair of black tights and black ballet flats; balanced out by a light pink sweater-dress. I heard Burish shout my name as I approached the table. “Hey guys.” I said, plastering a grin on my face. I watched Sharpie take the seat beside Kaner, leaving me with the only other available seat; beside Ryker. I sat down beside her, unable to do anything but stare into her shapely green eyes.
Realizing that I was gawking, I gave her a small smile and turned around to talk to the boys.
I could tell that everyone was surprised I was there; I only went out when they forced me too, and no one had even asked me to come tonight.
I tried to focus on the Pats, trying to listen to their foolish conversation on the Flash versus Superman; but I couldn’t. Stealing glances at Ryker, I couldn’t help but notice Adam’s arm hung carelessly around her slender shoulders, prompting me into action. I might as well talk to her, after all, that’s why I’m here… “So… this is going good?” I asked, leaning towards her and pointing at Adam.
“Umm… good.” She said, nodding slowly as she leaned towards me, grinning. I tried to make sure that should couldn’t see my face fall. Good. She’s happy, you can see that now so… that’s good. It’s good right? I mean, she’s dating your team-mate so… this works out… “How are things with you?”
I didn’t answer at all, not trusting my voice. I looked away from her pale face and simply nodded, not wanting to be here anymore. “Jon are you ok?” She reached into my lap, gently resting her cool, fragile hand on top of mine.
I looked down at our hands, then back up at her. I licked my lips and studied her hand again; turning my hand gently underneath her - palm to palm. I ran my thumb along her smooth skin, a couple times, smiling to myself at the feel of her skin under mine. What was that part from Romeo and Juliet… palm to palm is holy palmer's kiss?
Finally realizing what I was doing, I pulled my hand away quickly; Ugh… She’s got my quoting Shakespeare! I need to go… “Jon?” She asked quietly, leaning in towards me again.
“I should head out… Hey guys… I’m gonna go… I just remembered that we have that charity event tomorrow. I’ll see you guys later.” I stood up and left the table quickly, ignoring the groans and objections from the people behind me.
I threw the door open and walked a few steps. “Stupid, stupid, stupid…” I muttered to myself, leaning up against the brick wall; resting my forehead on the hard, cold bricks. “I shouldn’t have come here…” I said softly. What was the point? What did I expect? Even if she wanted to be with me it’s not possible… she’s with Burish… god I’m an asshole.
I felt a presence behind me as Ryker reached out for me. “Jon…” She said softly, causing me to jump.
“What are you doing here Ryker? Adam…” I began to whine, before she cut me off.
“Adam’s fine by himself. What’s wrong?” I grimaced at the sound of his name on her lips.
Exhaling loudly I turned to regard her, just tell her… I wanted to. I wanted to tell her all the things I was feeling, even the things I wasn’t sure of… the things that were new and terrifying. It’s not right though… I can’t screw up her life just because I can’t stop thinking about her, it’s not fair. “I should go…” I said finally, turning around and heading towards my car.
“Jon, wait! Just tell me what’s going on… what do you need?” I stopped walking, my breath catching in my throat. I wonder what she’d say if she knew the response to that. Would she ask me again if she knew that she was the answer? I turned around just as she reached me; catching her in my hands gently. “Tell me what you want…” She asked gently, staring up at me intently.
I wanted to tell her; but what do you say? How do you tell someone what’s wrong with you when you’re not even sure. How do you allow yourself to betray a friend and hurt the girl you care about in the process? You can’t, you need to move back to the familiar… back to the day to day… you can’t say anything.
You can’t. You won’t.
Routine was a wonderful thing. Your everyday, regular, customary state of being is something that one should never mess with. It’s always said that humans are creatures of habit; and that makes sense, seeing as how we’re the most dominate species on the planet. Without routine, there would be no sense of security or structure; routine is the axis that holds the modern world together… and I was finally back on mine.
Go to sleep early, wake up early. Gym, eat, practice, nap, eat, hockey… perfect. Everything was great. My body was in peak physical condition and my mind was sharp and focused - at least, mostly focused.
I wish that the same could be said for the people around me. Whatever was going on with Sharpie and Amber; he was in a bad mood, missing easy shots and unable to keep a calm demeanour for more than five minutes.
As for Kane and Burish; someone was going to get punched in the face soon - preferably the later of the two, but if it came down to it, I’d settle for Pat.
Kaner was in love, I guess I couldn’t blame him for being giddy and unfocused; he had it bad for Lola, and as much as I wanted to be happy for him - I was too worried about the implications that her profession might have on the Hawks organization. Or at least that‘s what I told him, the excuse that I gave any time he invited me to hang out with them; when really I just didn‘t want to see Ryker.
The stupid grin on Adam’s face was enough for me to understand what was going on there, I didn’t need to see it. I didn’t need to hear about it either, but I did, it was almost all he talked about now.
They weren’t sleeping together; by the sounds of it they weren’t doing anything even close to it, but they were together, a lot. Anytime he started talking about her, how cool she was or how pretty she was, I tried not to listen. It wasn’t like I didn’t already know any of that anyway… I was the one that met her first.
Stop that! She’s not property and she’s at perfect liberty to date whomever she wants…I groaned softly as I remembered why she was with Burish in the first place. If I just kept my mouth shut then she’d probably be completely gone from my life at this point.
I wasn’t sure if that was what I actually wanted, but it felt like it’d be easier to not know where she was; as opposed to having to hear about her everyday. Every time Burish spoke her name I felt anger rear up inside of me, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it anymore.
“You ok man? You’ve all dopey lately.” Adam said as he dropped down between Kaner and I on his couch.
“Yah I’m great.” I answered curtly, sighing softly as I heard the anger in my voice. I shook my head and turned to smile at him, “I’m good… really.”
He grinned in return, slapping the back of my head with his hand before jumping back up. “Alright, as fun as it is here with you losers… I’m gonna go hang out with my hot girlfriend.” He turned around and pulled on his jacket; leaving quickly out the door.
“You’re being a little obvious, you know?” Kaner asked, causing me to turn and consider him.
My brow furrowed as I regarded his cheeky little grin. “What are you talking about?”
“Adam and Ryker.” He laughed, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s gonna figure it out if you’re not careful.” I exhaled loudly and turned away, shrugging my shoulder in response. “Oh come on Jon… I know what’s going on, I’m your best friend.”
“Oh, you got it all figured out then? Well, how about you let me in on it because, I seem to be lost.”
Kaner rolled his eyes again, this time at my crabby retort. “I know you like her man. I see it every time you’re around her… or anytime Adam mentions her name… you’re not the jealous type so, I have to assume you’re bitter because you’re in love with her-”
“I don’t love her Pat! I hardly know anything about her…”
“So you’re admitting that you do like her?”
I groaned and pushed myself off the couch, pacing back and forth across the living room floor. “He acts like he’s never seen a girl before… and it’s not even like… ugh! He only even met her because of me!”
“Umm… I think he met her because of Lola… not because of you…”
“Ugh! Why? Why can’t I just stop thinking about her?!” I yelled, throwing my hands up in exasperation as Pat erupted into laughter. “This isn’t funny Pat!”
“Yes it is… I’ve never seen you like this before! Little Jonathan Toews, all worked up over a girl.” I sighed and flopped back down, covering my face with my hands. “Dude, you seriously need to say something… before this gets out of hand.”
“It already is Pat… Burish, she’s his girlfriend… what’s wrong with me?”
Kaner shrugged, shaking his head as he looked away. “Nothing’s wrong with you man…” He turned back around to face me. “You can’t help who you want to be with.”
I’m gonna go…no. Bad idea, just stay here.
I should probably go… just to check out- no!
Stop making excuses and close the damn door.
I slammed the door shut and pulled my coat off, hanging it back on the coat rack. I cursed out loud and began pacing the floor. What is wrong with me? This is not you Jon, you are NOT this person.
I stopped walking and took a deep breath, closing my eyes and trying to focus on finding some kind of inner peace.
If I could just go see Ryker than maybe… no. No maybe’s no Ryker…
Giving up on inner peace I grabbed the nearest thing to me; a copy of Sports Illustrated. I grabbed a pen and a pad of paper and flipped the magazine open. I traced my finger down the words and hurriedly began translating it into French, on the pad.
It was a technique that my mom had showed me; any time I got really stressed out or frustrated I would do this. When I couldn’t get something out of my mind I would translate things into French or vice versa; it was easy enough that I wouldn’t get more annoyed, but I still had to focus on it.
Just finishing the fifth page, I glance up at the clock; it was after 11pm. I put my head back down and turned to the next column. The picture was of three girls on a beach; posing in almost non-existing bathing suits - the one in the middle had dreads. “Of course she does…” I sighed out loud, flipping the magazine closed and heading for the door.
I wasn’t going to get any rest tonight, I wasn’t going to get anything done tonight at all. I’ll go there for a few minutes… that’s it. I’ll go in, sit with them, see how happy she is with Burish and then I’ll leave. I’ll leave for good. If she’s happy, than this is done… over.
If she’s happy…
I was almost at the bar when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket; pulling over to the side of the road, I took it out and flipped it open. “Hey Tazer… you wanna go out tonight? Amber and I were suppose to meet Burish and Kaner at the bar but… well… something came up…”
“Umm… yah sure. I’ll be there in a bit.”
She was the first one I saw; the first one to catch my attention. I felt Sharpie give me a push towards the table as I headed towards her. Her hair was pulled off her face, but still falling down her back, loosely. She was wearing a pair of black tights and black ballet flats; balanced out by a light pink sweater-dress. I heard Burish shout my name as I approached the table. “Hey guys.” I said, plastering a grin on my face. I watched Sharpie take the seat beside Kaner, leaving me with the only other available seat; beside Ryker. I sat down beside her, unable to do anything but stare into her shapely green eyes.
Realizing that I was gawking, I gave her a small smile and turned around to talk to the boys.
I could tell that everyone was surprised I was there; I only went out when they forced me too, and no one had even asked me to come tonight.
I tried to focus on the Pats, trying to listen to their foolish conversation on the Flash versus Superman; but I couldn’t. Stealing glances at Ryker, I couldn’t help but notice Adam’s arm hung carelessly around her slender shoulders, prompting me into action. I might as well talk to her, after all, that’s why I’m here… “So… this is going good?” I asked, leaning towards her and pointing at Adam.
“Umm… good.” She said, nodding slowly as she leaned towards me, grinning. I tried to make sure that should couldn’t see my face fall. Good. She’s happy, you can see that now so… that’s good. It’s good right? I mean, she’s dating your team-mate so… this works out… “How are things with you?”
I didn’t answer at all, not trusting my voice. I looked away from her pale face and simply nodded, not wanting to be here anymore. “Jon are you ok?” She reached into my lap, gently resting her cool, fragile hand on top of mine.
I looked down at our hands, then back up at her. I licked my lips and studied her hand again; turning my hand gently underneath her - palm to palm. I ran my thumb along her smooth skin, a couple times, smiling to myself at the feel of her skin under mine. What was that part from Romeo and Juliet… palm to palm is holy palmer's kiss?
Finally realizing what I was doing, I pulled my hand away quickly; Ugh… She’s got my quoting Shakespeare! I need to go… “Jon?” She asked quietly, leaning in towards me again.
“I should head out… Hey guys… I’m gonna go… I just remembered that we have that charity event tomorrow. I’ll see you guys later.” I stood up and left the table quickly, ignoring the groans and objections from the people behind me.
I threw the door open and walked a few steps. “Stupid, stupid, stupid…” I muttered to myself, leaning up against the brick wall; resting my forehead on the hard, cold bricks. “I shouldn’t have come here…” I said softly. What was the point? What did I expect? Even if she wanted to be with me it’s not possible… she’s with Burish… god I’m an asshole.
I felt a presence behind me as Ryker reached out for me. “Jon…” She said softly, causing me to jump.
“What are you doing here Ryker? Adam…” I began to whine, before she cut me off.
“Adam’s fine by himself. What’s wrong?” I grimaced at the sound of his name on her lips.
Exhaling loudly I turned to regard her, just tell her… I wanted to. I wanted to tell her all the things I was feeling, even the things I wasn’t sure of… the things that were new and terrifying. It’s not right though… I can’t screw up her life just because I can’t stop thinking about her, it’s not fair. “I should go…” I said finally, turning around and heading towards my car.
“Jon, wait! Just tell me what’s going on… what do you need?” I stopped walking, my breath catching in my throat. I wonder what she’d say if she knew the response to that. Would she ask me again if she knew that she was the answer? I turned around just as she reached me; catching her in my hands gently. “Tell me what you want…” She asked gently, staring up at me intently.
I wanted to tell her; but what do you say? How do you tell someone what’s wrong with you when you’re not even sure. How do you allow yourself to betray a friend and hurt the girl you care about in the process? You can’t, you need to move back to the familiar… back to the day to day… you can’t say anything.
You can’t. You won’t.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Where Would We Be? (Ryker)
Soundtrack
“So, have you decided what you boys want today?” It was hard not to notice that the waitress was excluding me in her question. Then again, being ignored was better than some of the dagger-like glares I was getting from the other female patrons at the restaurant. They all looked mildly surprised to see me in my present company; I supposed it made sense - I was the polar opposite of the boy that sat next to me.
“I think so, are you ready to order, Ryker?” I grinned over at Jonny as he pointedly looked at me, reminding the waitress of my presence. Always the gentleman…
We all ordered cheeseburger platters and sodas before falling back into easy conversation. Jonny was quiet, but that didn’t surprise me; Adam and Patrick made up for his lack of voice anyway. I wonder if he’s always this quiet, or if it’s just when girls are around…
I turned slightly and began to steal glances at Jon every now and then, as I continued to listen to the boys carrying-on across from us. There was something wrong with him; and I wasn’t sure what it was. At first I thought he might have been freaked out by the tattoo; but he had given me a genuine smile when he saw it, and he seemed happy enough until he started watching his friends again.
Speaking of his friends… I glanced over at Adam; there was something going on with him too. Ever since he woke me up and invited me out to lunch, he was acting strange.
He was a good guy, funny, cute, witty; but he had done a complete 360° flip from last night to now - it was a little disarming. He liked me, that much was obvious, but his demeanour had changed. Last night he had kept his distance and acted like we were just friends; today he was trying to move closer to me - I could feel his eyes on me every since we had first arrived at the restaurant.
“Well, I guess we should head out.” Patrick said after we had finished eating. I nodded in agreement, bored after sitting in the same spot for so long. I glanced over at Jon; wondering if he was finally going to say something; but he didn’t.
“I’ll give you a ride back Ryker.” Adam grinned at me from across the table. I looked at Jon again, he still said nothing, so I turned back to Adam and nodded.
“See you later…” I said to Jonny once we were outside. He turned around and nodded, not looking me in the eyes. I felt a presence behind me as Adam’s hand came up to rest on my lower back.
“See ya.” Jon finally replied quietly, turning around and following Patrick to an SUV. I allowed Adam to steer me back to his truck; and he opened the door for me, before heading around to the driver’s side of the cab.
“So, what are your plans for the night?” Adam yelled at me over the music that was filling his truck. I shrugged my shoulders as I looked out the window, stifling a yawn as we pulled out onto the highway..
“I’m not sure yet, what are you doing?”
He grinned at me before answering. “I got a game tonight, you wanna come?”
I nodded, looking forward to seeing on-ice-Jon again. “Sure, get Lola a ticket too?”
He smiled at me, reaching over the seat to rest his hand on my knee. “Sure, I think Kaner was gonna ask her anyway… you can pick them up at the box-office, alright?” I agreed as he pulled in front of my apartment building. “Hey Ryker…” He called as I stepped out of the cab and onto the ground. “You look hot.”
He turned around and shook my head at him, laughing as I slammed the door shut.
“We learn anything else yet about hockey?” Lola asked me as she filed away at one of her nails.
“Nope.”
“Ugh… there’s got to be a book or something… Hockey for Dummies…” I nodded in agreement; my eyes scanning the ice for Jonny.
I found him, barking out orders as the teams warmed up; feeling myself get heated as I watched him shove Lola’s new boy toy into the line of fire.
At the thought I pulled down at the oversized shirt I was wearing. Apparently Kane had given Lola one of his team shirts; but she thought the look was too ‘homely’ for her taste so - the shirt had been passed off to me.
I took in my outfit now; I looked so… blah. An over-sized, bright red shirt and a pair of tight, ripped jeans with converse and my hair pulled into a pony-tail; was not a sexy look, at all. I didn’t care though.
For some reason Jon had apparently told the guys he wasn’t going out tonight; so it was Adam, Lola, Kane and I… no one to dress up for. Not that I should be dressing up for Jon anyway… I sighed as the game started.
The guys ended up loosing; but I thought Jon played great - at least… it looked good to me. He had gotten a goal; but he didn’t meet it with the same enthusiasm as the time before - something I found terribly disappointing.
I followed Lola down to the lounge area, to wait for Adam and Kane; but I found myself too distracted to walk in a straight line. “Ryker… earth to Ryker…?” I stopped walking and turned around to see Lola waving at me from the door to the lounge; I had walked right by it.
“Oh…” I headed back towards her, before following her through the door.
The lounge wasn’t as busy as usual; I counted that up to it being a Monday night - people with jobs tended to stay in on Monday. Or so I’ve been told.
I followed Lola over to a couch and sat down beside her. “So… I’m going out on a limb and saying that the sex was good?”
“What?” Lola asked, turning her attention from the door back to me. I shook my head and laughed; normally I was the unfocused one, the one that day-dreamed and was always off in left-field - tonight it was her.
“The sex is good?” I asked causing her to let out a hysterical giggle before blushing and turning away. “Oh… wait. You mean… you guys… you haven’t?”
I waited for her to laugh it off, tell me that I was being ridiculous; of course they’d had sex. When she turned back to give me a small smile though, I saw the truth in her eyes. “I really like him Ryker… a lot.” She tried to explain while tugging at a loose thread on her skirt. “I just… I don’t know, he makes me feel special. It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve felt like more than just a stripper, or a piece of meat to a man…” I reached over and squeezed her hand, returning her smile.
When I looked up Adam and Kane were coming towards us. I stood up at their approach and pulled Kane into a tight hug. Lola laughed lightly behind me, understanding the message behind my action; guys were always rotten to her, something that she never deserved. Kane was changing that; the fact that he had slept in the same bed with her and they still hadn’t slept together, gave me hope that he might be different. My hug was my hope, and my thanks.
“Woah now, save some of that love for me.” Adam laughed as I let Kane go. He reached out to me and pulled me into a one-armed hug, leading me back out of the lounge; Lola and Pat coming up behind us.
“So, where did you guys want to go?” Pat asked once we were outside. We headed slowly towards Adam’s truck; as Adam yelled out random suggestions the whole way.
Finally deciding on going over to Pat’s house, we all hopped in the truck and took off.
“Why do you have so many musicals?” Adam laughed as he ransacked through Pat’s DVD collection.
“I do not!” Pat snapped back, his blush evident even in the low lights of the den.
Lola was snuggled up next to him on the loveseat; her hands tugging lightly at the curls on the back of his neck. “I like musicals…” She said softly, smiling up at him as she spoke.
“Holy shit! Is that batman?” Adam laughed hopping up and wagging a DVD in front of Pat’s face.
“It’s Christian Bale, not batman…”
“Yah well he played batman, same thing… we’re watching this!” Adam grinned as he turned on the DVD player and took a seat next to me on the couch; his arm resting carelessly around my shoulders.
This turned out to also be a musical, but it was a good one; one that we were all able to laugh at and enjoy.
Over the course of the movie Adam had shifted me around on the couch, until I was curled up into him.
When the Newsie’s revolution was starting, near the end of the movie, Adam’s lips began to brush gently against my neck; his intentions becoming clear.
What wasn’t clear was the way Jon was acting. The way I was acting. Why am I still thinking about him? I was the girl that couldn't focus on one thing for over a minute... the girl that had dropped out of school because the concept of sitting in a chair for forty-five minutes was unreasonable. Yet here I was, thinking about the same guy for days... this must be a new record for me...
I tilted my head up slightly, catching a glimpse of Lola and Pat, half-hid under a blanket, oblivious to the movie, or Adam and I. “Ryker…” Adam moaned lightly in my ear, his voice husky and heavy as his hot breath sent shivers down my neck. I turned back to him slightly, wondering how I was going to get out of this situation, when his lips pressed down on mine.
There was nothing forceful about the way that his arms began to wrap around me, pulling me into him and holding my tightly; but it still felt wrong.
Of course there was nothing wrong about it. He wasn’t trying to make me uncomfortable or force me into anything; but I still felt awkward, and slightly dirty as his tongue pushed into my mouth.
Jon’s attitude at lunch started to make sense as I felt Adam’s smile against the kiss. Jon didn’t want me, he was being distant because he was trying to avoid my attention. It all makes sense now… that’s why Jon’s always so detached with me, he wants me to be with Adam and leave him alone…
It shouldn’t have bothered me, other than the fact that it did. I didn’t want Jon to leave me alone, I wanted him around me. Maybe it was my fault, for always jumping into everything with both feet; never bothering to look before I let go.
I didn’t want Adam, not like that. At any other time there might have been a chance for this to work, for this to be great; but it was already hindered by the fact that I wanted someone else.
Someone else, who am I kidding? I don‘t want someone else, I want Jon… I sighed as I finally started to kiss Adam back; but Jon doesn’t want me… and against my better judgment, I didn’t want to be alone with my revelation. I wonder if Jon doesn’t want me because he’s afraid of what people would say if we were together? I had felt a connection to him, was he that oblivious to it… or was it just not worth the risk? What would have happened if I had of met him before he was the hockey player? Where would we be now if Jon had of met me when he was just Jon?
“So, have you decided what you boys want today?” It was hard not to notice that the waitress was excluding me in her question. Then again, being ignored was better than some of the dagger-like glares I was getting from the other female patrons at the restaurant. They all looked mildly surprised to see me in my present company; I supposed it made sense - I was the polar opposite of the boy that sat next to me.
“I think so, are you ready to order, Ryker?” I grinned over at Jonny as he pointedly looked at me, reminding the waitress of my presence. Always the gentleman…
We all ordered cheeseburger platters and sodas before falling back into easy conversation. Jonny was quiet, but that didn’t surprise me; Adam and Patrick made up for his lack of voice anyway. I wonder if he’s always this quiet, or if it’s just when girls are around…
I turned slightly and began to steal glances at Jon every now and then, as I continued to listen to the boys carrying-on across from us. There was something wrong with him; and I wasn’t sure what it was. At first I thought he might have been freaked out by the tattoo; but he had given me a genuine smile when he saw it, and he seemed happy enough until he started watching his friends again.
Speaking of his friends… I glanced over at Adam; there was something going on with him too. Ever since he woke me up and invited me out to lunch, he was acting strange.
He was a good guy, funny, cute, witty; but he had done a complete 360° flip from last night to now - it was a little disarming. He liked me, that much was obvious, but his demeanour had changed. Last night he had kept his distance and acted like we were just friends; today he was trying to move closer to me - I could feel his eyes on me every since we had first arrived at the restaurant.
“Well, I guess we should head out.” Patrick said after we had finished eating. I nodded in agreement, bored after sitting in the same spot for so long. I glanced over at Jon; wondering if he was finally going to say something; but he didn’t.
“I’ll give you a ride back Ryker.” Adam grinned at me from across the table. I looked at Jon again, he still said nothing, so I turned back to Adam and nodded.
“See you later…” I said to Jonny once we were outside. He turned around and nodded, not looking me in the eyes. I felt a presence behind me as Adam’s hand came up to rest on my lower back.
“See ya.” Jon finally replied quietly, turning around and following Patrick to an SUV. I allowed Adam to steer me back to his truck; and he opened the door for me, before heading around to the driver’s side of the cab.
“So, what are your plans for the night?” Adam yelled at me over the music that was filling his truck. I shrugged my shoulders as I looked out the window, stifling a yawn as we pulled out onto the highway..
“I’m not sure yet, what are you doing?”
He grinned at me before answering. “I got a game tonight, you wanna come?”
I nodded, looking forward to seeing on-ice-Jon again. “Sure, get Lola a ticket too?”
He smiled at me, reaching over the seat to rest his hand on my knee. “Sure, I think Kaner was gonna ask her anyway… you can pick them up at the box-office, alright?” I agreed as he pulled in front of my apartment building. “Hey Ryker…” He called as I stepped out of the cab and onto the ground. “You look hot.”
He turned around and shook my head at him, laughing as I slammed the door shut.
“We learn anything else yet about hockey?” Lola asked me as she filed away at one of her nails.
“Nope.”
“Ugh… there’s got to be a book or something… Hockey for Dummies…” I nodded in agreement; my eyes scanning the ice for Jonny.
I found him, barking out orders as the teams warmed up; feeling myself get heated as I watched him shove Lola’s new boy toy into the line of fire.
At the thought I pulled down at the oversized shirt I was wearing. Apparently Kane had given Lola one of his team shirts; but she thought the look was too ‘homely’ for her taste so - the shirt had been passed off to me.
I took in my outfit now; I looked so… blah. An over-sized, bright red shirt and a pair of tight, ripped jeans with converse and my hair pulled into a pony-tail; was not a sexy look, at all. I didn’t care though.
For some reason Jon had apparently told the guys he wasn’t going out tonight; so it was Adam, Lola, Kane and I… no one to dress up for. Not that I should be dressing up for Jon anyway… I sighed as the game started.
The guys ended up loosing; but I thought Jon played great - at least… it looked good to me. He had gotten a goal; but he didn’t meet it with the same enthusiasm as the time before - something I found terribly disappointing.
I followed Lola down to the lounge area, to wait for Adam and Kane; but I found myself too distracted to walk in a straight line. “Ryker… earth to Ryker…?” I stopped walking and turned around to see Lola waving at me from the door to the lounge; I had walked right by it.
“Oh…” I headed back towards her, before following her through the door.
The lounge wasn’t as busy as usual; I counted that up to it being a Monday night - people with jobs tended to stay in on Monday. Or so I’ve been told.
I followed Lola over to a couch and sat down beside her. “So… I’m going out on a limb and saying that the sex was good?”
“What?” Lola asked, turning her attention from the door back to me. I shook my head and laughed; normally I was the unfocused one, the one that day-dreamed and was always off in left-field - tonight it was her.
“The sex is good?” I asked causing her to let out a hysterical giggle before blushing and turning away. “Oh… wait. You mean… you guys… you haven’t?”
I waited for her to laugh it off, tell me that I was being ridiculous; of course they’d had sex. When she turned back to give me a small smile though, I saw the truth in her eyes. “I really like him Ryker… a lot.” She tried to explain while tugging at a loose thread on her skirt. “I just… I don’t know, he makes me feel special. It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve felt like more than just a stripper, or a piece of meat to a man…” I reached over and squeezed her hand, returning her smile.
When I looked up Adam and Kane were coming towards us. I stood up at their approach and pulled Kane into a tight hug. Lola laughed lightly behind me, understanding the message behind my action; guys were always rotten to her, something that she never deserved. Kane was changing that; the fact that he had slept in the same bed with her and they still hadn’t slept together, gave me hope that he might be different. My hug was my hope, and my thanks.
“Woah now, save some of that love for me.” Adam laughed as I let Kane go. He reached out to me and pulled me into a one-armed hug, leading me back out of the lounge; Lola and Pat coming up behind us.
“So, where did you guys want to go?” Pat asked once we were outside. We headed slowly towards Adam’s truck; as Adam yelled out random suggestions the whole way.
Finally deciding on going over to Pat’s house, we all hopped in the truck and took off.
“Why do you have so many musicals?” Adam laughed as he ransacked through Pat’s DVD collection.
“I do not!” Pat snapped back, his blush evident even in the low lights of the den.
Lola was snuggled up next to him on the loveseat; her hands tugging lightly at the curls on the back of his neck. “I like musicals…” She said softly, smiling up at him as she spoke.
“Holy shit! Is that batman?” Adam laughed hopping up and wagging a DVD in front of Pat’s face.
“It’s Christian Bale, not batman…”
“Yah well he played batman, same thing… we’re watching this!” Adam grinned as he turned on the DVD player and took a seat next to me on the couch; his arm resting carelessly around my shoulders.
This turned out to also be a musical, but it was a good one; one that we were all able to laugh at and enjoy.
Over the course of the movie Adam had shifted me around on the couch, until I was curled up into him.
When the Newsie’s revolution was starting, near the end of the movie, Adam’s lips began to brush gently against my neck; his intentions becoming clear.
What wasn’t clear was the way Jon was acting. The way I was acting. Why am I still thinking about him? I was the girl that couldn't focus on one thing for over a minute... the girl that had dropped out of school because the concept of sitting in a chair for forty-five minutes was unreasonable. Yet here I was, thinking about the same guy for days... this must be a new record for me...
I tilted my head up slightly, catching a glimpse of Lola and Pat, half-hid under a blanket, oblivious to the movie, or Adam and I. “Ryker…” Adam moaned lightly in my ear, his voice husky and heavy as his hot breath sent shivers down my neck. I turned back to him slightly, wondering how I was going to get out of this situation, when his lips pressed down on mine.
There was nothing forceful about the way that his arms began to wrap around me, pulling me into him and holding my tightly; but it still felt wrong.
Of course there was nothing wrong about it. He wasn’t trying to make me uncomfortable or force me into anything; but I still felt awkward, and slightly dirty as his tongue pushed into my mouth.
Jon’s attitude at lunch started to make sense as I felt Adam’s smile against the kiss. Jon didn’t want me, he was being distant because he was trying to avoid my attention. It all makes sense now… that’s why Jon’s always so detached with me, he wants me to be with Adam and leave him alone…
It shouldn’t have bothered me, other than the fact that it did. I didn’t want Jon to leave me alone, I wanted him around me. Maybe it was my fault, for always jumping into everything with both feet; never bothering to look before I let go.
I didn’t want Adam, not like that. At any other time there might have been a chance for this to work, for this to be great; but it was already hindered by the fact that I wanted someone else.
Someone else, who am I kidding? I don‘t want someone else, I want Jon… I sighed as I finally started to kiss Adam back; but Jon doesn’t want me… and against my better judgment, I didn’t want to be alone with my revelation. I wonder if Jon doesn’t want me because he’s afraid of what people would say if we were together? I had felt a connection to him, was he that oblivious to it… or was it just not worth the risk? What would have happened if I had of met him before he was the hockey player? Where would we be now if Jon had of met me when he was just Jon?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Move On (Jon)
Soundtrack ---> Irony in the opposite? lol
I was off schedule; totally off schedule, and I hated it. God! Why did I do that? It was irresponsible, inappropriate; it could have ended in disaster. She’s disaster! Why did I even go with her… what’s gotten into me?
I didn’t get home till almost 5, but that wasn’t going to stop me. I always got up at 6, and I always spent three hours in the gym; everyday. So, I only had an hour of sleep, but what’s that saying… ‘no rest for the weary?’.
I hopped in my car and drove through the semi-busy streets of Chicago. Normally it only took me fifteen minutes to get to the gym, but the city had a different idea for me today. Red light, red light, red light… if I hadn’t of gone out with her last night… they’d all be green!
Ok Jon, calm down. That’s a little bit of an exaggeration; but you’re right… no more Ryker.
I would do what I did everyday. Leave the gym at 9:30 and be at Burish’s house for 10 to wake him up; the only difference would be that today I would tell him he could have her. If Burish started dating her, then I couldn’t like her anymore. Not that I did… I didn’t.
Her? I chuckled as I shook my head. Right, cause… she’s someone I’d like to be with. I snorted at the thought; it was ridiculous. Who needs women?
After going through my pre-workout hydration, stretches and warm up on the treadmill; I hit the bike, hard.
I bent low over the stationary machine as I exhaled loudly; feeling the burn shooting up from my lower body. It’s not like, I’ll even think about her again… I mean, she’s just a girl.
I glanced up, and checked the speedometer on the bike; 22kmph, not bad - but I need to hit 25kmphor this was a waste. I pushed my legs even faster through the resistance, as I felt the sweat drip off the tip of my nose. And besides… she‘s a complete mess… I could never take her to a real function; we’d get laughed at. Ok wait, not thinking about her…
I hopped off the bike after a solid 30 minutes at 25kmph; feeling a lot better about myself. I wiped down the bike before grabbing a fresh towel and dabbing at my face.
Subconsciously I headed over to the bench-press; doing the same amount of weight, at the same rate, for the same amount of time as always.
I headed back down towards the locker room, hopping into the shower and letting the strong flow of water beat against my soar muscles. The water here was never warm, but at least it’s not as cold as last night… I sighed as I remembered the feel of the icy stabs against my body. She didn’t even seem to care… I can’t believe she does that kind of stuff for fun; I mean, who does that? I wonder what else she does for fun…
No! Bad Jon… no thinking about Ryker. I nodded in agreement with my thoughts as I turned off the shower and headed into the locker-room to get changed.
“Hey man!” Sharpie called over his shoulder as I came through the back door.
I threw my hand up in front of my face as I walked through the kitchen; the smell of dirty dishes, stale dirty water and garbage assaulting me. “I cleaned his kitchen on Thursday! How is it this gross again?!” I spat as I walked around the corner into the den; finding Sharpie laid back on his couch.
He shrugged, not taking his eyes off the TV. “I don’t know… cause it’s Monday, or something…” He laughed at something funny from the show he was watching as I turned around and headed back into the kitchen; rolling my sleeves up to the elbow and searching the bottom of the sink for the stopper. Not even Martha Stewart could sanitize a dish in this goo...
I groaned softly as I felt a gushy messy of something stick to my arm. I shouldn’t be doing this… he’ll never learn if I just keep cleaning up after him… but there was just something about the mess, disorder and unsanitary nature of Burish’s house. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t my mess because I knew it was there; and even if it didn’t bother him, it bothered me. A lot.
I bet her house is like this too… I shook my head as I thought about it; it gave me chills to think of how untidy it probably was; the outside was even disgusting.
Thinking about her brought her to the forefront of my mind, once again.
I spent the next three hours cleaning up Adam’s house, hoping that he’d at least keep it semi-clean from now on, even though I knew he wouldn’t. This little ritual had been going on since I came to Chicago.
“Hey Patrick!” I called out into the den as I continued to scrub at a used pasta dish. “Is Burish seeing that Jenn girl now?”
“Nope.”
“Is he still interested in Ryker?” I heard the noise from the TV stop, as Sharpie either muted it or shut it off completely.
“Why?”
I shrugged, even though he couldn’t see me. “Well, I just thought if he liked her so much, he should go for it.” The couch groaned in protest as Patrick pushed himself off of it, his foot steps clunking towards the kitchen.
I turned around to see him leaning on the counter, a grin on his face. “Why? I thought you two had a little…” He made a sexual reference with his fingers that caused me to grimace. He was so inappropriate sometimes…
“No… why would you think that?”
“Oh, no reason. If you don’t want her though… I‘m sure Bur will be happy to take her off your hands. I wonder if I she’ll tattoo his number on her too…”
Too? As in… also? “What are you talking about?” I asked, shaking the now clean dish off and laying it to dry on the rack.
“Nothing, she felt bad for you… probably figure you’ve got no fans so she tatted your number on her neck.”
“She likes me?” I spun around, causing my face to redden as Patrick laughed.
“I never said that,” he shook his head as he watched me. “Then again, I can never really tell what’s going on with her… she’s a strange one.” I shrugged and turned back to the sink.
“Hey man, are you still at Rykers?… yah… Tazer says you can have her…” He laughed heartily into his cell phone as I shook my head in disgust. ’Have her’… like she was some kind of property. “Sounds good then… we’ll meet you there.” He flipped his phone close and pocketed it as I drained the soapy water. “Come on buddy, we’re going for breakfast.”
“It’s almost 2 o’clock Sharpie.”
“Mmm… breakfast…” I laughed as I followed Sharpie out the back door and towards his SUV.
It was dumb of me to assume that Ryker wouldn’t be there. Sharpie had just called Adam and told him that I wasn’t interested in her… so why wouldn’t he invite her? I felt like kicking myself as I walked through the door of the small café behind Patrick; catching a glimpse of Ryker laughing in a booth with Burish.
Her outfit was a weird collection of fabrics and colors, but she looked good, even I had to admit that she looked good.
She was wearing a fitted, grey cotton dress over a pair of calf length blue leggings and orange flip-flops. Topped off by a large, sheer scarf; yellow, black and green in colour.
She looked up and smiled at me as I approached the booth; sliding over a bit on her side to make room for me. I watched as Sharpie slid in beside Burish; taking that as my cue to sit down.
She smelt like soap and strawberries; at least I know now that she showers… I blushed slightly as I thought about her in the shower; realizing how inappropriate that was. Then again, it wasn’t like I hadn’t just about seen her in that position last night… minus the clothing she was still wearing, of course… “What do you think Tazer?” I looked up, completely convinced that I had been caught thinking about Ryker.
“About what?” I stammered out as Burish pointed towards Ryker.
“About the tattoo… don’t you even want to see it? I told her she should get my number but she just laughed at me… apparently she thinks my ego’s been too inflated already.”
I grinned and looked over at Ryker, “I guess she’s a good judge of character than… if your head got any bigger, we’d need another booth.” She smiled back at me before turned to face the wall, pulling her long dreads on top her head and tilting her neck forwards.
I knew what was there, knew what she was showing me; but I still grinned like an idiot when I saw it.
So it was irresponsible, childish, odd, and probably unwise; but it was still kind of flattering… in an inappropriate way. I glanced away from Ryker as she lowered her hair and turned back around; catching the glance between Sharpie and Burish.
“Oh! I almost forgot!” Ryker smiled excitedly as she dug threw a big yarn bag. She pulled out a small plastic bag and handed it across the table to Sharpie. He grinned as he took it, unwrapping the white plastic from the thing inside; his grin widening once it opened fully.
He held up a large glass butterfly surrounded by white and clear glass beads; an intricate bracelet. I looked back and forth between Ryker and Patrick, confused by the exchange - feeling a tiny tinge of jealousy shoot through me as I wondered who the bracelet was for.
It was dumb; she wasn’t a toy. I knew this well enough, but I still had an ‘I saw her first’ feeling every time I glanced across the table at my team-mates, and saw them smiling back at her. Of course there was also the issue with me telling Burish he could ask her out if he wanted; a good move on my part… I reminded myself as I looked away from Ryker.
Sharpie saw the look on my face and grinned, re-wrapping the bracelet and pocketing it.
“Ryker makes jewellery for a living… she made me a bracelet for Amber’s birthday present.” Of course… I gave him a small smile as I looked up in time to see the waitress coming up to our table to take our order; figuring the best thing to do was just let it all go... just move on.
I was off schedule; totally off schedule, and I hated it. God! Why did I do that? It was irresponsible, inappropriate; it could have ended in disaster. She’s disaster! Why did I even go with her… what’s gotten into me?
I didn’t get home till almost 5, but that wasn’t going to stop me. I always got up at 6, and I always spent three hours in the gym; everyday. So, I only had an hour of sleep, but what’s that saying… ‘no rest for the weary?’.
I hopped in my car and drove through the semi-busy streets of Chicago. Normally it only took me fifteen minutes to get to the gym, but the city had a different idea for me today. Red light, red light, red light… if I hadn’t of gone out with her last night… they’d all be green!
Ok Jon, calm down. That’s a little bit of an exaggeration; but you’re right… no more Ryker.
I would do what I did everyday. Leave the gym at 9:30 and be at Burish’s house for 10 to wake him up; the only difference would be that today I would tell him he could have her. If Burish started dating her, then I couldn’t like her anymore. Not that I did… I didn’t.
Her? I chuckled as I shook my head. Right, cause… she’s someone I’d like to be with. I snorted at the thought; it was ridiculous. Who needs women?
After going through my pre-workout hydration, stretches and warm up on the treadmill; I hit the bike, hard.
I bent low over the stationary machine as I exhaled loudly; feeling the burn shooting up from my lower body. It’s not like, I’ll even think about her again… I mean, she’s just a girl.
I glanced up, and checked the speedometer on the bike; 22kmph, not bad - but I need to hit 25kmphor this was a waste. I pushed my legs even faster through the resistance, as I felt the sweat drip off the tip of my nose. And besides… she‘s a complete mess… I could never take her to a real function; we’d get laughed at. Ok wait, not thinking about her…
I hopped off the bike after a solid 30 minutes at 25kmph; feeling a lot better about myself. I wiped down the bike before grabbing a fresh towel and dabbing at my face.
Subconsciously I headed over to the bench-press; doing the same amount of weight, at the same rate, for the same amount of time as always.
I headed back down towards the locker room, hopping into the shower and letting the strong flow of water beat against my soar muscles. The water here was never warm, but at least it’s not as cold as last night… I sighed as I remembered the feel of the icy stabs against my body. She didn’t even seem to care… I can’t believe she does that kind of stuff for fun; I mean, who does that? I wonder what else she does for fun…
No! Bad Jon… no thinking about Ryker. I nodded in agreement with my thoughts as I turned off the shower and headed into the locker-room to get changed.
“Hey man!” Sharpie called over his shoulder as I came through the back door.
I threw my hand up in front of my face as I walked through the kitchen; the smell of dirty dishes, stale dirty water and garbage assaulting me. “I cleaned his kitchen on Thursday! How is it this gross again?!” I spat as I walked around the corner into the den; finding Sharpie laid back on his couch.
He shrugged, not taking his eyes off the TV. “I don’t know… cause it’s Monday, or something…” He laughed at something funny from the show he was watching as I turned around and headed back into the kitchen; rolling my sleeves up to the elbow and searching the bottom of the sink for the stopper. Not even Martha Stewart could sanitize a dish in this goo...
I groaned softly as I felt a gushy messy of something stick to my arm. I shouldn’t be doing this… he’ll never learn if I just keep cleaning up after him… but there was just something about the mess, disorder and unsanitary nature of Burish’s house. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t my mess because I knew it was there; and even if it didn’t bother him, it bothered me. A lot.
I bet her house is like this too… I shook my head as I thought about it; it gave me chills to think of how untidy it probably was; the outside was even disgusting.
Thinking about her brought her to the forefront of my mind, once again.
I spent the next three hours cleaning up Adam’s house, hoping that he’d at least keep it semi-clean from now on, even though I knew he wouldn’t. This little ritual had been going on since I came to Chicago.
“Hey Patrick!” I called out into the den as I continued to scrub at a used pasta dish. “Is Burish seeing that Jenn girl now?”
“Nope.”
“Is he still interested in Ryker?” I heard the noise from the TV stop, as Sharpie either muted it or shut it off completely.
“Why?”
I shrugged, even though he couldn’t see me. “Well, I just thought if he liked her so much, he should go for it.” The couch groaned in protest as Patrick pushed himself off of it, his foot steps clunking towards the kitchen.
I turned around to see him leaning on the counter, a grin on his face. “Why? I thought you two had a little…” He made a sexual reference with his fingers that caused me to grimace. He was so inappropriate sometimes…
“No… why would you think that?”
“Oh, no reason. If you don’t want her though… I‘m sure Bur will be happy to take her off your hands. I wonder if I she’ll tattoo his number on her too…”
Too? As in… also? “What are you talking about?” I asked, shaking the now clean dish off and laying it to dry on the rack.
“Nothing, she felt bad for you… probably figure you’ve got no fans so she tatted your number on her neck.”
“She likes me?” I spun around, causing my face to redden as Patrick laughed.
“I never said that,” he shook his head as he watched me. “Then again, I can never really tell what’s going on with her… she’s a strange one.” I shrugged and turned back to the sink.
“Hey man, are you still at Rykers?… yah… Tazer says you can have her…” He laughed heartily into his cell phone as I shook my head in disgust. ’Have her’… like she was some kind of property. “Sounds good then… we’ll meet you there.” He flipped his phone close and pocketed it as I drained the soapy water. “Come on buddy, we’re going for breakfast.”
“It’s almost 2 o’clock Sharpie.”
“Mmm… breakfast…” I laughed as I followed Sharpie out the back door and towards his SUV.
It was dumb of me to assume that Ryker wouldn’t be there. Sharpie had just called Adam and told him that I wasn’t interested in her… so why wouldn’t he invite her? I felt like kicking myself as I walked through the door of the small café behind Patrick; catching a glimpse of Ryker laughing in a booth with Burish.
Her outfit was a weird collection of fabrics and colors, but she looked good, even I had to admit that she looked good.
She was wearing a fitted, grey cotton dress over a pair of calf length blue leggings and orange flip-flops. Topped off by a large, sheer scarf; yellow, black and green in colour.
She looked up and smiled at me as I approached the booth; sliding over a bit on her side to make room for me. I watched as Sharpie slid in beside Burish; taking that as my cue to sit down.
She smelt like soap and strawberries; at least I know now that she showers… I blushed slightly as I thought about her in the shower; realizing how inappropriate that was. Then again, it wasn’t like I hadn’t just about seen her in that position last night… minus the clothing she was still wearing, of course… “What do you think Tazer?” I looked up, completely convinced that I had been caught thinking about Ryker.
“About what?” I stammered out as Burish pointed towards Ryker.
“About the tattoo… don’t you even want to see it? I told her she should get my number but she just laughed at me… apparently she thinks my ego’s been too inflated already.”
I grinned and looked over at Ryker, “I guess she’s a good judge of character than… if your head got any bigger, we’d need another booth.” She smiled back at me before turned to face the wall, pulling her long dreads on top her head and tilting her neck forwards.
I knew what was there, knew what she was showing me; but I still grinned like an idiot when I saw it.
So it was irresponsible, childish, odd, and probably unwise; but it was still kind of flattering… in an inappropriate way. I glanced away from Ryker as she lowered her hair and turned back around; catching the glance between Sharpie and Burish.
“Oh! I almost forgot!” Ryker smiled excitedly as she dug threw a big yarn bag. She pulled out a small plastic bag and handed it across the table to Sharpie. He grinned as he took it, unwrapping the white plastic from the thing inside; his grin widening once it opened fully.
He held up a large glass butterfly surrounded by white and clear glass beads; an intricate bracelet. I looked back and forth between Ryker and Patrick, confused by the exchange - feeling a tiny tinge of jealousy shoot through me as I wondered who the bracelet was for.
It was dumb; she wasn’t a toy. I knew this well enough, but I still had an ‘I saw her first’ feeling every time I glanced across the table at my team-mates, and saw them smiling back at her. Of course there was also the issue with me telling Burish he could ask her out if he wanted; a good move on my part… I reminded myself as I looked away from Ryker.
Sharpie saw the look on my face and grinned, re-wrapping the bracelet and pocketing it.
“Ryker makes jewellery for a living… she made me a bracelet for Amber’s birthday present.” Of course… I gave him a small smile as I looked up in time to see the waitress coming up to our table to take our order; figuring the best thing to do was just let it all go... just move on.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Above The Surface (Ryker)
Soundtrack
I plunged deep below the water’s surface; my eyes being forced open in surprise as the cold water assaulted me from all angles. I kicked my legs against the current, forcing myself upwards. I broke the surface just as I heard Jonny start to whine, “Ryker… isn’t it… is that safe?”
“As long as you don’t drink it.” I laughed as I swam in place; trying to avoid the question. I had never actually gotten sick from swimming in the river but… it probably wasn’t healthy.
I saw Jon’s resolution break as he pushed him self off the railing. He splashed me on his way through the water; coming through the surface a few minutes later - gasping against the cold.
“It’s freezing Ryker! We need to get out… holy shit… why is it so much colder?” I splashed him with my feet as I took off down my usual route, diving under the water to get a better speed going. It’s always so quiet under the water… I wonder fish get headaches when they’re on land… I wonder if fish have ears…
I broke the surface and once again heard Jon calling my name, futilely from where he floated.
“We’re in open water Ryker! We’re gonna get hit by a boat or something…” He shouted as he reached me, swimming for a few minutes beside me; before we reached our destination.
I climbed out of the water, making my way onto a flat stone. “Coming?” I held out my hand to him and he grabbed it; using his other hand to scale the rocks. I moved ahead of him, moving all the way to the top of the mound.
I turned around to see Jon still waiting at the bottom of the ruins. “Jon… Jon!” He laughed at himself slightly before scampering up behind me. I watched him as he waited beside me, unable to relax. With me, was probably the last place he wanted to be but... he seemed lonely. I wonder if he could change me... how would he want me? What kind of girl do you think about Mr. Serious?
“So what are we doing here?” He sounded sceptical, maybe even a little disappointed.
“Well, it’s actually a little after 3 now, and in another hour or so the sun’s gonna be coming up. It’s like… liquid gold when it hit’s the harbour…” He leaned back, his arm brushing mine as we both stretched out, waiting for the dawn.
It was always worth the swim to me, to get here. I loved seeing the sunrise from the harbour; the city forgotten behind me. It seemed real, natural, unpolluted here; like I got to witness it before it’s rays became bogged down by the metal maze of Chicago.
“So… what did you think?” I glance over at him, to see him staring in wonder as the sunlight lightly danced across his face; but it wasn‘t even the look over amazement on his face that caught my attention. It was hid body; it was amazing - tight abs, broad shoulders, strong arms.
“It was… wow.” My thoughts exactly… He looked over at me, giving me a grin and watching me stand up. I grinned back and dove off the rock; this time the water didn’t feel so cold.
“Come on Jon, we have to get you back before your friends think I’ve killed you or something…” He laughed, a real laugh; and jumped off beside me.
“I’ve never watched the sunrise before… I’ve also never swam in my underwear before… or swam in the middle of a bay…” He sounded amazed by everything; like his life had just been altered.
I laughed and swam up to him, until I cold feel his breath on my face. “I’m sure there’s a lot of things you’ve never done Jon…” I tilted my head to the side and moved even closer.
“Ryker… I don’t think…” He said it so quietly that I almost missed it. Fear flashed in his face as I moved up to him; changing my mind at the last second. The last thing I need is for him to pass-out and drown… I chuckled as I flatted my hand against his mouth; pressing my lips down on the other side of my hand. I gave him a quick kiss - via my hand - before swimming over to the small metal fence attached to the wooden embankment of the walkway.
I pulled my head back down over my head and jumped a little to let it fall down, before slipping on my shoes. “Are you coming?” He climbed out of the water and dressed quickly; taking my hand as I offered it to him. “So now it’s your turn…”
“My turn for what?” He asked as we walked side by side slowly.
“I showed you something special, something personal, now it’s your turn.”
He laughed quietly, timidly. “I’m not sure what I’d even show you… there’s nothing special about me…”
I shook my head, unable to believe that he actually felt that way about himself. I remembered back to how sure and powerful he was when he was playing hockey. “That’s not true, I saw you last night… I saw you on the ice. You were very special.”
“Umm, well… I’ll think of something and let you know…” I nodded as we both waved goodbye and went our separate ways. I started to dance slightly, swaying as I made my way down the street.
The city was beginning to wake up around me and I felt jubilant, hopeful, adventurous. I wanted to do something fun, I wanted to live and laugh but… what?
I looked back over my shoulder, realizing that Jon must have turned a corner. I couldn’t see him anymore and that caused me to stop walking; a frown crossing my face. I knew it was futile, to start liking a guy like him... he needed his safe, normal Step-ford wife; not a girl like me. I sighed, wondering what I would have to do... to change his mind about me, and about himself.
He was a special guy, even if he didn’t think so… I wonder why that is? Why is he so self-conscious?
I was starting to get feelings for him, even after one night. Not love, but a bond; enough that I wanted to do something to boost his self-worth.
I walked another 45 minutes, until I was a block away from my place. I crossed in front of a business and looked in the window. The sign said it wasn’t open until noon; but I smiled to myself as I nodded - my mind made up.
“So what do you want to get?” The guy asked, leaning across the desk at me.
I bit my lip as I thought about it. “I want to get the number 19, on the back of my neck.” The tattoo artist nodded and started shuffling through papers.
“How big?” I showed him, again he nodded as he started to draw out my request.
Forty-five minutes later I was handing him $80; and thanking him for a job well done. He had explained something to be about cleaning it and scabs… or something… I shrugged; I’d figure it out.
“Hey pretty girl! Where have you been?” I walked into my living room and saw Lola curled up on the couch with that Kane kid; Adam was sitting on one of the chairs with Jenn in his lap.
“And did you bring Tazer back with ya?” Adam laughed as he grinned at me.
“No, I think he went home… a while ago. I haven’t seen him since… 5 or something…”
Lola turned around to look at me. “Where have you been than? It’s almost 2...”
“I got a tattoo!” I grinned, turning my back to the room and piling my dreads onto my head.
“HOLY SHIT! You got Tazer’s numbers on the back your neck… is it real?” I laughed as I turned back around.
“He needs some support…” I explained. “Now he knows I’m a fan!”
Kaner shook his head, smiling. “Most girls just… buy a jersey…”
“In case you didn’t notice… Ryker’s not most girls…” Jenn and Lola started laughing at that comment; causing me to nod in agreement.
“Anyway, I’m gonna go to sleep… I’ll see you guys around.” I called over my shoulder as I headed into my room and collapsed on my mattress.
I kicked off my shoes and sat up so that I could pull my dress off; then my tang top and shorts… I probably shouldn’t throw wet things on the floor but… they’re almost dry! I grinned as I pulled a quilt on top of my naked body.
I laughed quietly to myself as I thought of Jon’s reaction to my tattoo; then I sighed as I remembered what a turn on it had been to see him in control on the ice. Even after our swim and showing him my favorite place in Chicago, I still hadn‘t brought him back out. What does a girl have to do…?
I plunged deep below the water’s surface; my eyes being forced open in surprise as the cold water assaulted me from all angles. I kicked my legs against the current, forcing myself upwards. I broke the surface just as I heard Jonny start to whine, “Ryker… isn’t it… is that safe?”
“As long as you don’t drink it.” I laughed as I swam in place; trying to avoid the question. I had never actually gotten sick from swimming in the river but… it probably wasn’t healthy.
I saw Jon’s resolution break as he pushed him self off the railing. He splashed me on his way through the water; coming through the surface a few minutes later - gasping against the cold.
“It’s freezing Ryker! We need to get out… holy shit… why is it so much colder?” I splashed him with my feet as I took off down my usual route, diving under the water to get a better speed going. It’s always so quiet under the water… I wonder fish get headaches when they’re on land… I wonder if fish have ears…
I broke the surface and once again heard Jon calling my name, futilely from where he floated.
“We’re in open water Ryker! We’re gonna get hit by a boat or something…” He shouted as he reached me, swimming for a few minutes beside me; before we reached our destination.
I climbed out of the water, making my way onto a flat stone. “Coming?” I held out my hand to him and he grabbed it; using his other hand to scale the rocks. I moved ahead of him, moving all the way to the top of the mound.
I turned around to see Jon still waiting at the bottom of the ruins. “Jon… Jon!” He laughed at himself slightly before scampering up behind me. I watched him as he waited beside me, unable to relax. With me, was probably the last place he wanted to be but... he seemed lonely. I wonder if he could change me... how would he want me? What kind of girl do you think about Mr. Serious?
“So what are we doing here?” He sounded sceptical, maybe even a little disappointed.
“Well, it’s actually a little after 3 now, and in another hour or so the sun’s gonna be coming up. It’s like… liquid gold when it hit’s the harbour…” He leaned back, his arm brushing mine as we both stretched out, waiting for the dawn.
It was always worth the swim to me, to get here. I loved seeing the sunrise from the harbour; the city forgotten behind me. It seemed real, natural, unpolluted here; like I got to witness it before it’s rays became bogged down by the metal maze of Chicago.
“So… what did you think?” I glance over at him, to see him staring in wonder as the sunlight lightly danced across his face; but it wasn‘t even the look over amazement on his face that caught my attention. It was hid body; it was amazing - tight abs, broad shoulders, strong arms.
“It was… wow.” My thoughts exactly… He looked over at me, giving me a grin and watching me stand up. I grinned back and dove off the rock; this time the water didn’t feel so cold.
“Come on Jon, we have to get you back before your friends think I’ve killed you or something…” He laughed, a real laugh; and jumped off beside me.
“I’ve never watched the sunrise before… I’ve also never swam in my underwear before… or swam in the middle of a bay…” He sounded amazed by everything; like his life had just been altered.
I laughed and swam up to him, until I cold feel his breath on my face. “I’m sure there’s a lot of things you’ve never done Jon…” I tilted my head to the side and moved even closer.
“Ryker… I don’t think…” He said it so quietly that I almost missed it. Fear flashed in his face as I moved up to him; changing my mind at the last second. The last thing I need is for him to pass-out and drown… I chuckled as I flatted my hand against his mouth; pressing my lips down on the other side of my hand. I gave him a quick kiss - via my hand - before swimming over to the small metal fence attached to the wooden embankment of the walkway.
I pulled my head back down over my head and jumped a little to let it fall down, before slipping on my shoes. “Are you coming?” He climbed out of the water and dressed quickly; taking my hand as I offered it to him. “So now it’s your turn…”
“My turn for what?” He asked as we walked side by side slowly.
“I showed you something special, something personal, now it’s your turn.”
He laughed quietly, timidly. “I’m not sure what I’d even show you… there’s nothing special about me…”
I shook my head, unable to believe that he actually felt that way about himself. I remembered back to how sure and powerful he was when he was playing hockey. “That’s not true, I saw you last night… I saw you on the ice. You were very special.”
“Umm, well… I’ll think of something and let you know…” I nodded as we both waved goodbye and went our separate ways. I started to dance slightly, swaying as I made my way down the street.
The city was beginning to wake up around me and I felt jubilant, hopeful, adventurous. I wanted to do something fun, I wanted to live and laugh but… what?
I looked back over my shoulder, realizing that Jon must have turned a corner. I couldn’t see him anymore and that caused me to stop walking; a frown crossing my face. I knew it was futile, to start liking a guy like him... he needed his safe, normal Step-ford wife; not a girl like me. I sighed, wondering what I would have to do... to change his mind about me, and about himself.
He was a special guy, even if he didn’t think so… I wonder why that is? Why is he so self-conscious?
I was starting to get feelings for him, even after one night. Not love, but a bond; enough that I wanted to do something to boost his self-worth.
I walked another 45 minutes, until I was a block away from my place. I crossed in front of a business and looked in the window. The sign said it wasn’t open until noon; but I smiled to myself as I nodded - my mind made up.
“So what do you want to get?” The guy asked, leaning across the desk at me.
I bit my lip as I thought about it. “I want to get the number 19, on the back of my neck.” The tattoo artist nodded and started shuffling through papers.
“How big?” I showed him, again he nodded as he started to draw out my request.
Forty-five minutes later I was handing him $80; and thanking him for a job well done. He had explained something to be about cleaning it and scabs… or something… I shrugged; I’d figure it out.
“Hey pretty girl! Where have you been?” I walked into my living room and saw Lola curled up on the couch with that Kane kid; Adam was sitting on one of the chairs with Jenn in his lap.
“And did you bring Tazer back with ya?” Adam laughed as he grinned at me.
“No, I think he went home… a while ago. I haven’t seen him since… 5 or something…”
Lola turned around to look at me. “Where have you been than? It’s almost 2...”
“I got a tattoo!” I grinned, turning my back to the room and piling my dreads onto my head.
“HOLY SHIT! You got Tazer’s numbers on the back your neck… is it real?” I laughed as I turned back around.
“He needs some support…” I explained. “Now he knows I’m a fan!”
Kaner shook his head, smiling. “Most girls just… buy a jersey…”
“In case you didn’t notice… Ryker’s not most girls…” Jenn and Lola started laughing at that comment; causing me to nod in agreement.
“Anyway, I’m gonna go to sleep… I’ll see you guys around.” I called over my shoulder as I headed into my room and collapsed on my mattress.
I kicked off my shoes and sat up so that I could pull my dress off; then my tang top and shorts… I probably shouldn’t throw wet things on the floor but… they’re almost dry! I grinned as I pulled a quilt on top of my naked body.
I laughed quietly to myself as I thought of Jon’s reaction to my tattoo; then I sighed as I remembered what a turn on it had been to see him in control on the ice. Even after our swim and showing him my favorite place in Chicago, I still hadn‘t brought him back out. What does a girl have to do…?
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Under the Bridge (Jon)
Soundtrack
The night time is frightening for many reasons; muggings, shootings, weirdos… I wasn’t a huge fan of walking around the streets of Chicago at night; especially not in an expensive looking suit and a wallet full of cash. I was confused as to where we were heading. Against my better judgement I didn’t question Ryker as I let her lead me into places I didn’t recognize.
The words do you swim didn’t fully register with me, until we reached a set of steps, leading down to the underside of a bridge. Ryker walked in front of me, tugging on my hand gently; encouraging me to follow her.
I felt anxious as we stepped off the last step; heading into the darkness of the walkway.
“So… this is your special place?” I asked, trying to hide the sarcasm in my voice as we came to a halt. She laughed slightly, her fingers opening a little - before closing around my hand; interlacing.
“No…!” She laughed again, shaking her head, “That’s just foolish.” I laughed too, believing that once again I had made an ass of myself. She dropped my hand and turned around to face me.
I thought she was going to kiss me, but she grinned instead, taking a step backwards.
“Where are you going?” I asked, taking a step forward; moving us back into the same position we had been in just a second ago. Her grin widened as she kicked off her black ballet shoes; reaching up in another swift movement to pull her dress up over her head. “Umm… what are you doing?”
She laughed as she let it drop down on top of her shoes. “I said I was going to show you my special place-”
“I thought it was a place not… ah…” I scratched the back of my head, unsure of what to say. “I didn’t think you meant… sex.”
She turned around, laughing as she leaned over the railing; giving me a full view of her body. Her legs were creamy and smooth under the moonlight. The only thing left covering her was a pair of red cotton panties and a black camisole top. I sighed as I pulled my eyes away from her, trying to figure out what to say, how do you tell a girl that your not looking for sex... “Are you coming?”
I shrugged, still trying to figure out what was going on. She walked back towards me; grabbing my tie in her hands, tugging on it gently. I licked my lips, trying to find the words to stop her. You’re Jonathan Toews for God Sake’s you can’t be caught fooling around with some girl under a bridge…
I looked down at my feet just in time to see my tie fall down around them. My jacket was next, and then my shirt; until I looked back up at her face. “You know… this would go a lot easier if you’d help.”
I cocked my head to the side and regarded her, still trying to figure out what I needed to say to stop this. Instead I stared into her eyes. They were smiling back at me, innocent, adventurous - it was then I realized that she wasn’t trying to have sex with me.
Ryker had asked me about swimming, and she had taken me down to the water to swim; not have sex. Ok but, wait, it’s freeze…
I watched as Ryker turned away from me, walking back to the railing; waiting. I undid the button on my pants, then the zipper. I kicked off my shoes and let my pants drop off from around me; stepping out of them and walking towards her. “So… any reason we’re going swimming… at night… when it’s freezing…?”
“I said I wanted to show you something.” She reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me up to the railing wit her. We both kicked our legs over and sat on the cold metal.
“We’re not… we’re not going in there right? I mean, it’s probably polluted, there’s most likely diseases and, and… please say we’re not going in there…” She gave me one last smile before she let go of my hand and pushed off, splashing gracefully into the dark water.
“Ryker…” I whined as she resurfaced. “Isn’t it… is that safe?”
“As long as you don’t drink it.” She laughed, treading to keep herself above the surface of the water. I sighed as I watched her, wondering how much I was going to regret this in the morning.
I took one last breath and pushed myself off, landing beside her in the water. I pushed myself up, propelling my body towards the surface; breaking through with a loud gasp.
“It’s freezing Ryker! We need to get out… holy shit… why is it so much colder?” She shook her head and started swimming away from me; her feet playfully splashing me with water as I floated, motionless.
She disappeared under the water, coming up a few seconds later swimming towards more open water. “Ryker!” I shouted out after her, getting no response. I groaned and took off after here; pushing myself through the water as fast as I could - catching up to her as we headed towards the ruins of the old Chicago Bridge. “We’re in open water Ryker! We’re gonna get hit by a boat or something…” God this is so unclean… I probably have hepatitis or something now…
I swam beside her as we reached one of the old pillars. She reached up onto the stone, pulling herself up onto a flat rock.
“Coming?” She asked, holding out her hand to me. I reached out for it, grabbing onto a rock with my other hand as I scrambled up beside her. I watched her climb expertly up the stones and metal; trying to focus on where she was placing her hands and not on the red cotton that was moving in front of my face.
“Jon… Jon!” She called my name, pulling me back into the present. I blushed slightly as I followed her up the ruins.
“So what are we doing here?” I asked as we reached the top, sitting down next to each other.
“Well, it’s actually a little after 3 now, and in another hour or so the sun’s gonna be coming up.” She grinned; “it’s like… liquid gold when it hit’s the harbour…” I leaned back and thought about it; I couldn’t remember a time that I ever watched a sunrise… it seemed like a waste of time.
We sat on the stone, talking for a while as the night wore on. I watched the sky lighten as the first of the sun rays began to peak over the top of the harbour; lighting up the water, and the eyes of the girl next to me.
I was in awe as the warm light filtered through the sky, illuminating everything that it touched. It did look like liquid gold; pure, soft, bright…
“So… what did you think?” She asked softly after a while.
“It was… wow.” I said slowly, unable to come up with a better word to describe what feelings were coursing through me. She grinned at me, standing up and jumping off the rock.
“Come on Jon, we have to get you back before your friends think I’ve killed you or something…” I laughed and jumped off too; swimming back with her to the walkway.
“I’ve never watched the sunrise before… I’ve also never swam in my underwear before… or swam in the middle of a bay…”
She laughed loudly, as she spun around to face me; both of us treading inches apart. “I’m sure there’s a lot of things you’ve never done Jon…” She cocked her head to the side and smiled at me, closing the distance in a small stroke.
“Ryker…” I breathed softly; she was just an inch away now. “I don’t think…”
She finished closing the gap, and I couldn’t do anything but stare as she began to move her lips towards mine. Without warning her hand came up and rested - palm down - against my lips. She brought her mouth down to the other side of her hand, giving it a quick kiss before she moved off, pulling herself back up onto the walk way.
She grabbed her dress and pulled it over her head, letting it fall freely as she slipped her shoes back on. “Are you coming?” She reached for my hand and I held it out to her as we walked down the walkway together. “So now it’s your turn…”
“My turn for what?”
“I showed you something special, something personal, now it’s your turn.”
I laughed as we walked slowly, “I’m not sure what I’d even show you… there’s nothing special about me…”
“That’s not true, I saw you last night… I saw you on the ice. You were very special.” She said it so matter-o-factly that I felt compelled to believe her.
“Umm, well… I’ll think of something and let you know…”
She gave me a smile and dropped my hand as we reached the top of the embankment. She waved goodbye to me and I did likewise as I headed back towards the club, toward my car. I took one last look behind me and watched the gently sway of her hips as she danced down the sidewalk; both of us going out separate ways into the day light.
The night time is frightening for many reasons; muggings, shootings, weirdos… I wasn’t a huge fan of walking around the streets of Chicago at night; especially not in an expensive looking suit and a wallet full of cash. I was confused as to where we were heading. Against my better judgement I didn’t question Ryker as I let her lead me into places I didn’t recognize.
The words do you swim didn’t fully register with me, until we reached a set of steps, leading down to the underside of a bridge. Ryker walked in front of me, tugging on my hand gently; encouraging me to follow her.
I felt anxious as we stepped off the last step; heading into the darkness of the walkway.
“So… this is your special place?” I asked, trying to hide the sarcasm in my voice as we came to a halt. She laughed slightly, her fingers opening a little - before closing around my hand; interlacing.
“No…!” She laughed again, shaking her head, “That’s just foolish.” I laughed too, believing that once again I had made an ass of myself. She dropped my hand and turned around to face me.
I thought she was going to kiss me, but she grinned instead, taking a step backwards.
“Where are you going?” I asked, taking a step forward; moving us back into the same position we had been in just a second ago. Her grin widened as she kicked off her black ballet shoes; reaching up in another swift movement to pull her dress up over her head. “Umm… what are you doing?”
She laughed as she let it drop down on top of her shoes. “I said I was going to show you my special place-”
“I thought it was a place not… ah…” I scratched the back of my head, unsure of what to say. “I didn’t think you meant… sex.”
She turned around, laughing as she leaned over the railing; giving me a full view of her body. Her legs were creamy and smooth under the moonlight. The only thing left covering her was a pair of red cotton panties and a black camisole top. I sighed as I pulled my eyes away from her, trying to figure out what to say, how do you tell a girl that your not looking for sex... “Are you coming?”
I shrugged, still trying to figure out what was going on. She walked back towards me; grabbing my tie in her hands, tugging on it gently. I licked my lips, trying to find the words to stop her. You’re Jonathan Toews for God Sake’s you can’t be caught fooling around with some girl under a bridge…
I looked down at my feet just in time to see my tie fall down around them. My jacket was next, and then my shirt; until I looked back up at her face. “You know… this would go a lot easier if you’d help.”
I cocked my head to the side and regarded her, still trying to figure out what I needed to say to stop this. Instead I stared into her eyes. They were smiling back at me, innocent, adventurous - it was then I realized that she wasn’t trying to have sex with me.
Ryker had asked me about swimming, and she had taken me down to the water to swim; not have sex. Ok but, wait, it’s freeze…
I watched as Ryker turned away from me, walking back to the railing; waiting. I undid the button on my pants, then the zipper. I kicked off my shoes and let my pants drop off from around me; stepping out of them and walking towards her. “So… any reason we’re going swimming… at night… when it’s freezing…?”
“I said I wanted to show you something.” She reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me up to the railing wit her. We both kicked our legs over and sat on the cold metal.
“We’re not… we’re not going in there right? I mean, it’s probably polluted, there’s most likely diseases and, and… please say we’re not going in there…” She gave me one last smile before she let go of my hand and pushed off, splashing gracefully into the dark water.
“Ryker…” I whined as she resurfaced. “Isn’t it… is that safe?”
“As long as you don’t drink it.” She laughed, treading to keep herself above the surface of the water. I sighed as I watched her, wondering how much I was going to regret this in the morning.
I took one last breath and pushed myself off, landing beside her in the water. I pushed myself up, propelling my body towards the surface; breaking through with a loud gasp.
“It’s freezing Ryker! We need to get out… holy shit… why is it so much colder?” She shook her head and started swimming away from me; her feet playfully splashing me with water as I floated, motionless.
She disappeared under the water, coming up a few seconds later swimming towards more open water. “Ryker!” I shouted out after her, getting no response. I groaned and took off after here; pushing myself through the water as fast as I could - catching up to her as we headed towards the ruins of the old Chicago Bridge. “We’re in open water Ryker! We’re gonna get hit by a boat or something…” God this is so unclean… I probably have hepatitis or something now…
I swam beside her as we reached one of the old pillars. She reached up onto the stone, pulling herself up onto a flat rock.
“Coming?” She asked, holding out her hand to me. I reached out for it, grabbing onto a rock with my other hand as I scrambled up beside her. I watched her climb expertly up the stones and metal; trying to focus on where she was placing her hands and not on the red cotton that was moving in front of my face.
“Jon… Jon!” She called my name, pulling me back into the present. I blushed slightly as I followed her up the ruins.
“So what are we doing here?” I asked as we reached the top, sitting down next to each other.
“Well, it’s actually a little after 3 now, and in another hour or so the sun’s gonna be coming up.” She grinned; “it’s like… liquid gold when it hit’s the harbour…” I leaned back and thought about it; I couldn’t remember a time that I ever watched a sunrise… it seemed like a waste of time.
We sat on the stone, talking for a while as the night wore on. I watched the sky lighten as the first of the sun rays began to peak over the top of the harbour; lighting up the water, and the eyes of the girl next to me.
I was in awe as the warm light filtered through the sky, illuminating everything that it touched. It did look like liquid gold; pure, soft, bright…
“So… what did you think?” She asked softly after a while.
“It was… wow.” I said slowly, unable to come up with a better word to describe what feelings were coursing through me. She grinned at me, standing up and jumping off the rock.
“Come on Jon, we have to get you back before your friends think I’ve killed you or something…” I laughed and jumped off too; swimming back with her to the walkway.
“I’ve never watched the sunrise before… I’ve also never swam in my underwear before… or swam in the middle of a bay…”
She laughed loudly, as she spun around to face me; both of us treading inches apart. “I’m sure there’s a lot of things you’ve never done Jon…” She cocked her head to the side and smiled at me, closing the distance in a small stroke.
“Ryker…” I breathed softly; she was just an inch away now. “I don’t think…”
She finished closing the gap, and I couldn’t do anything but stare as she began to move her lips towards mine. Without warning her hand came up and rested - palm down - against my lips. She brought her mouth down to the other side of her hand, giving it a quick kiss before she moved off, pulling herself back up onto the walk way.
She grabbed her dress and pulled it over her head, letting it fall freely as she slipped her shoes back on. “Are you coming?” She reached for my hand and I held it out to her as we walked down the walkway together. “So now it’s your turn…”
“My turn for what?”
“I showed you something special, something personal, now it’s your turn.”
I laughed as we walked slowly, “I’m not sure what I’d even show you… there’s nothing special about me…”
“That’s not true, I saw you last night… I saw you on the ice. You were very special.” She said it so matter-o-factly that I felt compelled to believe her.
“Umm, well… I’ll think of something and let you know…”
She gave me a smile and dropped my hand as we reached the top of the embankment. She waved goodbye to me and I did likewise as I headed back towards the club, toward my car. I took one last look behind me and watched the gently sway of her hips as she danced down the sidewalk; both of us going out separate ways into the day light.
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